pre-furred customer

I am thinking about writing up a plan for my veterinarian where he will give patients points for each visit or dollar spent at his veterinary hospital that can later be redeemed for stuff. Toys, food, dog toothpaste, you know, the regulars.

In case I haven't told you yet, Tango and Murray "do their business" on pee-pee pads. Almost like a litter box, but with flat diaper looking things where they pee and poop. After a few uses, I just toss the pads and flush the poop anytime it appears.

Last night, after playing outside for a bit, we all came inside and they used their pee-pee pads. They are so accustomed to their litter box that they won't even pee outside. Random pups. Anyway, I noticed a pinkish tinge to the pee-pee on one spot and then a couple of spots next to it, also quite pink. I decided to watch and see who it was. All night last night, each time one of them would leave to use the litter box, I would follow them to see if it was pink. Of course, I was half asleep, so I would wait until they'd left the room, and after hearing them pad around the hallway I'd drag myself downstairs and check the pad. Nothing. No pink tinge.

This morning, I followed them, but lost Tango in the process. When I came back upstairs I saw that he was back in his bed, even though I'd seen him leave. And then... I went into the bathroom and discovered that my towel had fallen on the floor and apparently the dogs figured that was a great reason to just use it as their pee-pee pad. I mean, why go downstairs when you can just pee on your mom's towel, right?

And the towel had the same pink tinge.

I called the vet as soon as I was in the office and explained the situation and told them that I was pretty sure it was Tango, since he had stayed upstairs while Murray peed downstairs, but I couldn't be sure. The receptionist said to bring him into the office for a checkup. And bring a sample. Ummmm, of what? His pee.

Now, I am the first to admit that my dogs are geniuses, but somehow, peeing in a cup is not one of their strengths. I just don't think they would understand. But, if I didn't collect a sample of pee in a cup, then they would have to catheterize him, and I couldn't stand the thought, so I agreed.

I left work with plenty of time to spare, and 2pm found me hovering over Tango with a Tupperware container, urging him to pee against a tree so that I could collect a sample. He took his sweet time, while I tried to look totally nonchalant in front of the neighbors, standing in the front yard, following the dog with a Tupperware in my hand. He finally leaned against some forsythia and I shoved the container into the stream, trying desperately not to get peed on. He looked at me a little strangely, and stopped rather quickly, but I did manage to get a few drops into the container. Yippee! But now I had to transport it. I put on the top, but that didn't seem like enough. So I rubberbanded it. And plastic baggied it. Twice.

Turns out he has a urinary tract infection. From licking himself. You know, his thing. The vet says it is a vice, a bad habit, that I have to break him of. Mmm hmm. Break him of licking himself. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that what dogs DO?

Suggestions will be accepted from anyone who knows how to get the pup to stop pleasuring himself, because apparently it is excessive. I have a compulsive masturbator for a dog. Great. But at least we'll get lots of points from my pre-furred customer program.