Thursday, May 05, 2005

my name is halloweenlover, and I am a people pleaser

I realized something today.

I was lamenting about this crisis, which isn't really a crisis at all, but I am dramatic, to a friend of mine, and she said "I think you are having trouble with this because you are a people pleaser." And I realized that she is totally right.

I have been contemplating the rather serious decision of where to go work, because I am leaving my current employment (a secret I have not been sharing for obvious reasons), and struggling because I hate to let anyone down. When one potential employer calls, I am totally swayed in their direction. Then another calls, and I am totally swayed in the other direction.

It is r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s. I am so focused on not wanting to make people mad, or hurt their feelings, that I have a hard time concentrating on what will make ME happy. Not a good way to make decisions.

Not today, though. Today I am going to concentrate on what I think is right for me. End. of. story. But I won't lie. I feel bad. Very bad. And last night and yesterday I had about 19 moments of extreme anxiety where I was paralyzed with the fear of making the wrong decision. Today I feel a bit better although still terribly anxious at moments.

I cannot make another mistake, and that adds up to lots and lots of worrying.

2 comments:

Honey Bunny said...

i *used* to be a people pleaser until i realized how hurt i was getting in the process.

so i stopped.

but now, i'm the opposite. i hate people. but it works out ok for me in the end ;)

z said...

I'm totally a people pleaser. With a capital P.

I found when I left my last job, it helped me that I made a pro/con list for each job. Then I had it in black and white, which helped me not care so much what my old boss might think.