how about a leather whip?

Three years ago today I stood up on the bed in my hotel room and flung open the heavy curtains. After a full week of thunderstorms and terrible forecasts, my mother, my bridesmaids and I cheered at the sight of blue skies and puffy white clouds.

That day turned out to be the best day of my life, as well as one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Before we got married I used to worry, quite a bit, about losing my identity by marrying Josh. I had these fears of being suffocated. I hated the idea of not being ME anymore and I cringed at being called HIS fiancee or HIS wife. Call it craziness, call it typical cold feet, whatever it was, it scared me to death. One night I threatened to call off the wedding because he wouldn't change his last name to mine even though everyone expected me to change my last name to his. Another time when friends assumed I was busy with Josh and didn't invite me out to a party, I lay in bed and sobbed over my loss of independence.

I think Josh was at a loss for what to do with me. My fears had little to do with him, and if I had been able to think logically, I would have realized that he didn't want me to change and would have been disappointed if my personality had been subsumed into his. Someone finally took pity on me and gave me a book called What No One Tells the Bride. I tell people that book saved my life by making me feel like I wasn't alone, but truthfully, I think it took time and seeing how my life changed or didn't change with marriage.

When I look back at my tearful demands, I wish someone had told me that I might get mad at Josh for his anal-retentive neatness, but I might also find great joy and support by letting go of my fears. That first year was rather, ummm, hard, as I've mentioned before. But not a day has gone by that I haven't felt incredibly lucky to have found my partner so early in life.

I sometimes can't believe that it has been three years already, but I also can't believe that I get to spend so many more years with this wonderful man. He makes me crack up daily (sometimes hourly) by how silly he can be, and he laughs at my jokes too!** He shares many of my likes and dislikes and is willing to try new things with me all the time. He forgives me easily when I lose my temper. He grounds me when I begin to feel anxious or stressed. His kindness takes my breath away.

Sometimes I look at him and the love feels like it might crush me. Well, the love and his hotness. : )

Marrying him gave me so much more than I ever imagined it would and I wish I could go back and tell myself how blissful my life would be if I'd just stop worrying.

Happy Anniversary Hubs! You are the best thing that ever happened to me!



** But no, I don't care if this is the leather anniversary, I'm NOT buying a leather whip.