Tuesday, November 28, 2006

you can do this, girl

I'm rather weepy these days over the impending birth of this child, and KLee's above comment to my last post was enough to send me into full-on tears and sniffles, as were so many of your comments. I always anticipated that after I got pregnant I'd have a moment of the "what have I done?" feeling, but I never did. Since I found out I was pregnant, I've only worried about something happening to the baby, but I haven't doubted how much I wanted this baby. Even now, I have moments of tremendous anxiety over what kind of mother I'll be, but I don't doubt for one second how very badly I want this baby and how incredibly grateful I am to have made it this far with a healthy pregnancy.

I worry mostly about how I will take care of this child, whether I'll do a good job, and when I'll feel ready, if ever. All of your comments and support have definitely made me feel better. I guess I have to let go of the wanting to feel ready part of myself. I'll do what I can, but as Josh keeps telling me, in the end it doesn't matter if the kitchen remodel is completed, or if the baskets in the living room are arranged perfectly. The baby won't know whether the closets have been organized and cleaned, and whether the bins in the attic are in their proper place. Maybe this is the nesting instinct everyone keeps talking about?

Yesterday I hit 36 weeks, and had another appointment with the doctor. I mentioned to her that over the Thanksgiving break I'd been having moments of increasing pelvic pressure. I kept waking up with the same side of my pelvic bone aching and feeling numb. She was surprised to find that the baby's head is low and engaged already, so that explains all the pressure I've been feeling! No dilation whatsoever, though. But the doctor projected that we were looking at a baby that might show up before my due date, although still far into December. Maybe the psychic will be right? We could end up with a December 19th baby, I suppose. Oh, and a projection of a little over 6 pounds as of yesterday.

In the meantime, Josh is finishing up his last week of finals and I'm using my free time to rest and clean, rest and clean. I take turns doing a little bit of each. Once Josh is done with finals, though, I am planning lots of dinner dates and movie nights and outings for the two of us. My mom arrives on December 20th, and hopefully the baby will arrive soon after, and I'm positive that for a long while after that we won't have much romantic or cuddly time together. I'm hopeful, but realistic.

I'm also getting our car seat installed this weekend, and packing my hospital bag. JUST IN CASE. I'm still in denial that this baby is coming anytime soon, but I might as well prepare while I can still move around comfortably. Josh keeps telling me that if the baby pushes my belly button out any more, we might be looking at a fully cooked turkey.

15 comments:

Mrs. S said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better... or, at least, glad that you're able to trick us into thinking you feel better ;)

Just for the record, I dropped around 36 weeks, and I was two weeks late - my poor mother went 6 weeks with my head in her pelvis. And why am I telling you this? To reassure you that the head engaging doesn't necessarily mean anything.

I'm so sorry to put extra pressure on you, but I'm looking forward to seeing your baby more than I'm looking forward to Christmas... but less than I'm looking forward to my mom's visit, if that helps take some pressure back off.

Sheesh, I just don't know when to shut up, do I?

jo(e) said...

The head is engaged? That's fantastic news. It means you've eliminated the possibility of a breech birth. You want that baby to come out headfirst ....

How exciting that you are getting so close to this.

Yankee, Transferred said...

clapping hands and jumping up and down. Another bloggy niece/nephew is on its way. Aunt YT LOVES a baby! I cannot wait!

Maribeth said...

Since I am a senior member of the blogging world, I refer to all these wonderful blogging-babies as my Cyber Grandchildren!
Anyway, glad to hear that all is well and that you are feeling better.
My oldest was born on December 20th! Great day for a baby!!!
Hugs!!

Maribeth said...

PS: Remember I have two blogs now. One for Greta and one for me.
www.dackelprincess.com

Phantom Scribbler said...

You're almost there! I'm so excited. And Baby Blue is almost ready to surrender her "baby" Red Sox hat...

Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

Looking forward to the big announcement, and my thoughts are with you & the little guy-or-girl!

mamatulip said...

Oh, I know how you're feeling...I felt the same way when I was pregnant with Julia. Just know you CAN do this, you WILL do it and you will marvel at how amazing it is to see your wee one bundled up in your arms...and you'll think to yourself, "Why was I so nervous?"

Hang in!!

ppb said...

Of course you can do it! You're going to be fabulous!

Suzanne said...

Yep, you CAN do it! I'm getting excited for you...

purple_kangaroo said...

My dad says you're never really ready for a big life-change like marriage or a baby until about 3 years after it happens. It's true, and very normal. You'll do just fine.

Kristin said...

Ooh, so exciting! And I just read the psychic story. I'm with you - I don't want a psychic reading because I'm afraid they'll tell me something bad. If they tell me only good things, I can believe it's all fake, but if it's bad - that's more difficult! :) I've never been to a psychic, but I love watching psychic shows on TV. I'd like to believe in that stuff, so if it works out with your baby fore-knowledge, I'll be fascinated!

Ninotchka said...

Que bella la pansita. You really are not very big.

I'm glad you're feeling better. When's your last day of work or have you taken off already?

liz said...

Wheeee! You look just perfect. I can't wait to meet the little one.

KLee said...

Sweetie -- I didn't mean to make you, weepy! (Although I wept at absolutely EVERYTHING in late pregnancy :) I just wanted you to know that what you were feeling wasn't strange at all. Like I said -- it's the unknown. We're always terrified at the unknown, but I have every confidence in you.

I know you're a great mom already. You didn't need to give birth to show us that. It comes as naturally as the love for the baby, I swear.

We love you, kid. And so will your baby. You're ready. :)