mommy needs a time-out

Whooo boy. There are days when I honest-to-goodness think Gabe might be the easiest child who ever lived. Whole entire days where he is sweet and funny and clever and listens to me and I could swallow him whole with his deliciousness. Then there are multiple other days, like the LAST THREE DAYS (sorry for the yelling, neighbors) where I think I might have to be medicated because I am going to lose my mind.

I'm sure it doesn't help that we are in a high stress situation, and that my husband informed me last week that I basically won't see him until OCTOBER because he is so busy at work (and that includes weekends), and Josie is teething or something because her sleep has gone to shit in a handbag. My patience is definitely fried and lacking and virtually nonexistent, but lordy, he can be an asshole sometimes.

I told him he had to be quiet for a few minutes while I was on the phone since he kept screaming at me over and over to get him something or another, so he walked over to his sister and chucked matchbox cars at her head to wake her up from her nap. WAKE HER UP FROM HER NAP. The nap she so desperately needed because we were up almost all night last night. Then he BIT HER FINGER (which is truthfully so out of character I stood there stunned because he practically kisses the ground she crawls on) in the grocery store so I couldn't even beat him like I wanted to because there were so many people around.

When I took him to the park this morning he repeatedly did. not. listen. which is again out of character since truthfully, I am pretty strict and he knows I am not above hauling him out of the playground or leaving the ice cream store without ice cream when he doesn't listen. The not listening was over little things, though, so I kept trying to talk to him about it rather than go home, but it just wasn't working and by the time I finally did get him home I was ready to crawl into bed and throw my own little tantrum.

I'm also so stinking lonely these days, it is horrible and terrible and I feel like this totally ungrateful bitch whose husband works like a dog for her and I'm still complaining, but really- I'm so lonely. It is so hard to come home to an empty house all the time and not have him there ever, not be able to talk to him on the phone, not be able to bounce ideas off of him. I called him at work on Wednesday night and flat-out said if this was my future, I didn't want it. I would rather have a smaller house, a poorer lifestyle, old clothes, but my husband with me. Hands down, no questions asked. But he says it won't be like this forever, and things will get better in October, and I have no choice but to believe him.

Next Wednesday Gabe starts his new pre-preschool, and I hope that bit of time-off will make things better and work out excess energy. I'll be keeping him away from life-sized M&Ms until then, for sure.