Thursday, September 03, 2009

mommy needs a time-out

Whooo boy. There are days when I honest-to-goodness think Gabe might be the easiest child who ever lived. Whole entire days where he is sweet and funny and clever and listens to me and I could swallow him whole with his deliciousness. Then there are multiple other days, like the LAST THREE DAYS (sorry for the yelling, neighbors) where I think I might have to be medicated because I am going to lose my mind.

I'm sure it doesn't help that we are in a high stress situation, and that my husband informed me last week that I basically won't see him until OCTOBER because he is so busy at work (and that includes weekends), and Josie is teething or something because her sleep has gone to shit in a handbag. My patience is definitely fried and lacking and virtually nonexistent, but lordy, he can be an asshole sometimes.

I told him he had to be quiet for a few minutes while I was on the phone since he kept screaming at me over and over to get him something or another, so he walked over to his sister and chucked matchbox cars at her head to wake her up from her nap. WAKE HER UP FROM HER NAP. The nap she so desperately needed because we were up almost all night last night. Then he BIT HER FINGER (which is truthfully so out of character I stood there stunned because he practically kisses the ground she crawls on) in the grocery store so I couldn't even beat him like I wanted to because there were so many people around.

When I took him to the park this morning he repeatedly did. not. listen. which is again out of character since truthfully, I am pretty strict and he knows I am not above hauling him out of the playground or leaving the ice cream store without ice cream when he doesn't listen. The not listening was over little things, though, so I kept trying to talk to him about it rather than go home, but it just wasn't working and by the time I finally did get him home I was ready to crawl into bed and throw my own little tantrum.

I'm also so stinking lonely these days, it is horrible and terrible and I feel like this totally ungrateful bitch whose husband works like a dog for her and I'm still complaining, but really- I'm so lonely. It is so hard to come home to an empty house all the time and not have him there ever, not be able to talk to him on the phone, not be able to bounce ideas off of him. I called him at work on Wednesday night and flat-out said if this was my future, I didn't want it. I would rather have a smaller house, a poorer lifestyle, old clothes, but my husband with me. Hands down, no questions asked. But he says it won't be like this forever, and things will get better in October, and I have no choice but to believe him.

Next Wednesday Gabe starts his new pre-preschool, and I hope that bit of time-off will make things better and work out excess energy. I'll be keeping him away from life-sized M&Ms until then, for sure.


ccw said...

I could hook you up with some relaxing medicaiton. :)

I'm sorry. I hope things get better soon. Hugs, chocolate, and maybe a large drink to you!

Stacy said...

~~~~low stress vibes~~~~

Now something I would suggest is finding a local teenager, maybe someone that you already know? Child of a friend? Neighbor?

Someone you could have come over once or twice a week. Someone to help entertain him for one or two hours. I know money is tight but this $5-10 may save your sanitity!

Go take a bubble bath. Lock your self in your room and read for an hour. Call your girl friend and catch up!

Depending on your level of trust with the sitter, plop Josie in the stroller and go for a walk about the block, just 30 minutes to let your head clear. Go get a cappiccuino!

I have a friend who utilized this idea. She has the sitter come once or twice each week now. Sometimes its nothing more than time for her to clean, but there is someone else there for the kids!

Another idea, do you have another friend with the same/similar aged kids? maybe you need to do trade offs? each week, for a couple hours you keep all the kids for her sanity time, and she then in return keeps all yours for your sanitity time. this way you are eliminating any cost. but doing so much for your health and well being.

Last thing, we have ALL been in your shoes.
My ex-husband worked 80 hours a week when our oldest was born and then went to college for 4 years right after our son was born. 2 of which he lived away from home. so i can completely and fully identify with the lonely and the crazy.

Know that you will survive!

(grandparents, don't hesitate to ask them to come for a visit! LOL)

Chamiza said...

Nat, I am so sorry, I am thinking of you, and I love that you called your son as asshole--call it like it is:) too bad he is starting school, otherwise I would say to pack up the plane and get thee to your parents house till Josh is able to be around more--or maybe your mom can come visit? or your dad? Know that I am thinking of you, and this too shall pass--maybe some wine would help?

Sasha said...

I know in part how you feel and it is rough, rough, rough. I know we live on the opposite side of the world (or just town) but lets try to make a get together happen. At least we can be lonely together:)

Beth said...

Urgh. I feel your pain. I really do. Daisy has been nothing BUT an asshole for the past 2 weeks and we too are in a stressful situation. She does NOT LISTEN and I honestly am ready to give up on her. I know it will all pass, but holy hell it sucks when you are in the thick of it. So I feel your pain. At least you are not alone. And as for Josh and work, I wish we could help somehow, but I think the idea of a babysitter or someone local just to have an extra set of hands from 5-7pm and some company could be great? Good luck and hang in there lady xxx