Friday, September 25, 2009

whine fest: you might want to move right along

I'm restraining myself from writing this post in ALL CAPS because I am in a yelling mood, but I'll try to keep myself under control.

The universe. is. conspiring. against. me.

My child, she has stopped sleeping and is a fucking basket case all the time. We are talking whining and moaning and crying and general annoyingness all the freaking time. I'm assuming she is finally (FINALLY!) getting some teeth since she is 9+ months old with no teeth, but at this point I honestly don't care, I just want her to cut me a break. Yesterday I actually walked upstairs and put one crying toddler into his room and one crying infant into her room and locked myself in the downstairs bathroom, which was the only room in the house where I couldn't hear the screaming.

I stayed downstairs for 10 minutes, seething over what jerks both of my kids were being, and then I walked upstairs and pasted a smile on my face and brought them down for dinner. I paid for those 10 minutes by having to calm Josie down for the next 45 minutes. She has been doing this thing where as soon as something doesn't go her way, or you don't entertain her, or you try to put her down, or you try to drive in the car, she goes from 0-OHMYGODITISTHEENDOFTHEWORLD. Complete with tears and great, heaving sobs and shaking. It is exhausting.

Then, THEN, the dog (Murray) has started shitting and peeing in the house again. (I am banging my head against the desk for effect right now). Again. I can't even begin to discuss how this makes me feel except to tell you that yesterday I screamed out loud that I was calling the breeder to ask her to take Murray back. I just don't know what to do. I am completely, utterly, totally SICK OF THIS. I am sick of finding poop on the living room rug, or poop outside of my bedroom door, or pee on the dining room rug, or having Gabe leave his clothes on the bathroom floor for 5 minutes and having Murray pee all over them.

I don't want to be that person who can't take care of her dog, but I also cannot be this angry and frustrated. I cannot have a dog who is 6 years old and continues to have accidents. I take him for walks and he won't go to the bathroom on a leash, or in front of me. I let him into the backyard multiple times per day and watch him through the window while he stands there and looks around him for 20 minutes, or stands at the back door scratching and whining and barking to be let back in, and then has an accident on the floor 10 minutes later.

I have trained him, and retrained him, and retrained him, and I know I am opening myself up to people saying that I am an idiot that cannot train her dog, but I swear, this dog was trained for YEARS and it is only over the last year that this has started again. Plus, we go through weeks or months where he is fine, and then something sets it off again.

I'm just sick of this. I'm done. I do what everyone suggests and keep them fenced into the kitchen where at least the messes are easier to clean, but seriously? Is this a life for the dog? He hates being outside, so he can't even hang out in the backyard, and all he wants is to sit on the couch with me, but I don't want that because I don't want pee and poop all over the house. Oh geez, I could cry right now just thinking about this. Plus poor Tango pays for Murray's accidents because he also gets caged into the kitchen and he jumps all over me in excitement everytime I come in to the room. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Josh is also working, ALL THE TIME. He was in San Francisco on Monday through Wednesday, then in New York on Thursday and today, then Chicago early next week, then Indiana at the end of the week. He works through most of the weekends, and doesn't see an end in sight until October. I haven't had a break, no time away from the kids, in weeks. My only breaks are naptimes, during which I house hunt, call inspectors, and moving companies, and organize and pack, and keep the rest of our household floating while Josh isn't here. The working situation is beyond absurd, honestly. I'm grateful for a job and a paycheck and the opportunity to buy a house and all that, but I miss my husband. I miss my partner. I'm tired of being alone.

And then, of course, there's the house situation, which is shitty shitty. No good houses on right now, and no sellers who are willing to budge. We made another offer on a house that should be priced about $50K less, and the seller doesn't want to move. At least the Fed is going to keep the rates low for a little while so I feel a bit less pressure.

Rounding this all off, is the packing, of course. I started this week, because my mother in law is coming to visit on Tuesday through Sunday and she expects me to be prepared to do a massive packing spree while she is here, and I am thoroughly overwhelmed by the process, but everyone does it, and so will I.

My one bright shining spot is that I pulled out some Halloween decorations and the leaves are starting to change and tomorrow we'll go buy pumpkins and I'll bake apple muffins and applesauce cakes and I'll pretend I'm not ready to crawl under the bed and cry.

Tell me some terrible moving and packing stories please, so I'll stop feeling sorry for myself. Tell me it could be worse than this.

7 comments:

Stacy said...

Lots of hugs!
I have been there done that, I can tell you that you will survive!
Props to you for taking them to their safe rooms, and leaving for ten minutes! It was a good move!

The dog, its probably a reaction to stress and such
I think from now on just leave him outside til he does go. The weather is nice and he will be ok! put them out for one hour at a time, let them in for an hour, etc..

Glad that the MIL is coming to help. Make her watch the kids for at least an hour (2-3 if you can)so you can go to the coffee shop and library ALONE! you need some away time!

The house will come when the right one is there. Not to worry sometimes they take you by surprise.

Glad you are decorating for Halloween! that will help your spirits alot!

Hugs on the DH job situation. He says end in site in October??? Well thats only days away, so Hopefully it will end very soon.

HUGS

zeebah said...

Gah.

We just moved, and though I'm not chasing 2 kids, it was quite the ordeal since most of the packing was done by me, since L. was 7 months pregnant! Only horror story was that they couldn't get our couch in the elevator in the new place & we had to pay them $240 to bring it up stairs for us ($20 x 12 flights).

I am dreading the peeing & pooping our elderly cat will do when the girls arrive in 2 weeks. Not looking forward to it, esp. since L. already goes on tirades about how she's so tired of the cat and her ways.

Keep your chin up. I hope you get a break soon... I'd totally come babysit for you if I were in MA not NYC. :) I'm pulling for you!!

Summer said...

At least you don't have pneumonia! That made my move last summer extra-special-super fun.

Chatty Cricket said...

Hum, I have no fun moving/packing stories because I have certainly blocked them all and buried them deep deep down where they will never be tapped into ever again. Obviously filed right next to the pain of labor, and all of the morning sickness.

What I CAN share is an extended invitation to Camp Cricket for one Murray Halloweenlover.

liz said...

Packing advice: Take all your drycleanable clothes to the drycleaner and ask to leave them there until after you've moved. Give them a time frame. That way you just need to pick them up after and they'll be clean and ready to put away.

Keep three boxes open in each room. "Move", "Sell", "Trash". Each item you touch goes into one of those boxes. Don't touch anything more than once.

Separate out things you use everyday that you can't pack yet. Keep them away from the things you're packing.

Anything you haven't used in over a year (grown-up stuff) gets sold or tossed.

Be ruthless.

Your daughter is probably teething, some ibuprophin perhaps? Also, maybe bring her to the ped to make sure she doesn't have an ear infection or strep or something?

Angie said...

You are a mom. You have the right to be whiney and cry every once in a while. Don't beat yourself up for having real human emotions. You have to vent all of this some way and crying works just as well as screaming or having a conniption fit. You will get through this. You will. I promise.

YG&B said...

my heart goes out to you! but i do have a horrible moving/packing story for you. my friend and reverend, shannon, packed up all of her worldly goods that she didn't want to take to south africa this summer and put them into storage. all of her winter clothes, linens, photos, 20 years of books, grandma's heritage ring, etc. were in storage. when she got back, the storage guy told her that his employee had accidentally thrown away everything she owned. but he'd be happy to give her $500 and call it even.