happy birthday to my sweet boy

Today my baby turns two.

Two years old.

A full-fledged toddler, although he has really been a full-fledged toddler for quite some time. Still, tomorrow it feels more official.

Since this morning, I’ve been watching the clock and remembering where I was exactly two years ago today. At 10am, I was sitting in the OB’s office having a non-stress test. By noon, I had made it over to the hospital. By 7pm, I was scarfing down my last meal before I was hooked up to the pitocin, and by 8pm the contractions started. I can remember every moment as if it was yesterday, and I’m finding it hard to believe that it’s been two years. Two years, and another baby in between. Crazy crazy crazy.

I write a lot about Gabe, but I wish I knew the words to describe what an amazing boy he is. Sweet, funny, charming, busy, loving, he is all of those things and more. I want to bottle up this age and keep him here forever. His new language skills, the sentences he puts together, the amusing expressions he makes, the way he learns some new way to jump or kick or throw every day- these are the things I want to memorize and store in my head forever.

But more than all of those details, I want to memorize the way he smells out of a bath, the way his bangs fall across his forehead, the way his eyelashes make shadows on his chubby cheeks, the way he rests his head against my shoulder and squeezes his little arms around me when he needs comforting. I want to memorize his voice when he calls out for me, or the way his heavy feet sound when he runs across the house.

Time feels like it is moving so quickly, and I know that my ability to store all of these memories is only going to be harder with another baby. So I’ll keep taking pictures, keep pulling out my video camera, keep writing, and keep hoping that if I just hold onto Gabriel a little bit harder, maybe I can keep the baby for a little bit longer.

And in the meantime, he keeps growing and moving and pulling away and becoming the wonderful, brilliant boy that he is and will be. I’ll be hoping all this growing up gets easier. Tell me it does. Lie if you have to.

Happy Birthday Gabriel! I hope this year is your best yet!