Friday, December 05, 2008

the other love of my life

This weekend in NYC, our first weekend away alone in 2 years, reaffirmed with such brilliant focus one simple fact. I love my husband. A lot.

I wish I had better words to describe what Josh is to me, what he does for me. There is no one I would rather spend my time with, no one who makes me laugh more, no one who lifts my spirits the way he does. I never get sick of him, never stop wanting to tell him everything, never stop being grateful that he is my partner in life. Next month marks our 10th anniversary together, and we still talk on the phone every couple of hours if we have to be apart, just to chat. I still wait anxiously for him to get home from work. I still wish we could be together all the time.

Having Gabriel has changed our relationship in so many ways. I've learned that babies bring quite a bit of baggage with them- stress, differences of opinion, impatience, love, laughter, awe, among other things. I worried so much before having Gabriel about what it would do to our marriage, and I think it was a reasonable worry. Raising a child is hard work, and it seems like it gets harder as they grow up. It hasn't always been easy, but I can definitely say that doing this with anyone but Josh has never crossed my mind. He tempers my impulsiveness, I make him a little less neurotic. Maybe between the two of us, Gabe and 002 will turn out halfway sane.

I've been anticipating this weekend away for quite some time, and it ended up being better than I'd hoped. I feel reconnected to Josh in a non-parents, just us way again, and I'm so happy we did this before our lives get upended again in the next couple of weeks (38 weeks today!). At the same time, I've been feeling noticeably down in the dumps since Sunday, and I think part of it is that it's going to be a while before we can spend large chunks of time together alone. A newborn and leaky boobs definitely kill the mood.

Regardless of how long it takes us to do it again, I'm grateful we made the time to go, because now I remember clearly what I'm missing. Our time with Gabriel makes us happier than we've ever been, but being away is pretty okay too. Once in a while, at least. Now I just need to get cracking on getting ready for this baby. Would you believe that I have no car seat? No clean baby clothes? Calling my house a mess would be an understatement. Someone needs to send some nesting instinct over here, because mine seems to be lost.


Chatty said...

I have some nesting left over- I've been using it on decorating the house for Christmas, but you may need it more. Here it comes....there.