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Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

So I went in this morning to my doctor's appointment full of negativity. As soon as she started asking me if I'd experienced anything this weekend, I told her that I was definitely NOT dilated, was definitely NOT going into labor, definitely would NOT be having this baby any time soon, and as far as I was concerned, we could go ahead and schedule the induction for Christmas day, because nothing was happening before then. Obviously. I even went so far as to start suggesting dates for her to perform non-stress tests on me because NOTHING was happening.

And then she checked me.

2 centimeters! 75% effaced!

Do you know how long it took me to get to 2 cm last time? 10 hours of very painful pitocin induced labor! TEN HOURS! I already had my epidural by 2 cm last time because the contractions were coming a minute apart with no relief in between, and there was no dilating going on.

After my little diatribe, she was visibly shocked when she checked me and found out that I was dilated and effacing. She said that after my insistence that I wasn't having contractions, she was sure that there would be no change from last week. Apparently, however, like so many things in life, I am not to be trusted because I do not know what I am talking about.

I will tell you, however, that her checking me was so horribly painful THAT I STARTED CRYING AT THE END OF IT. Actual tears came out of my eyes, and I was almost hyperventilating by the end of it. She had to ask me if I needed water and she kept telling me to just lie there and breathe. It was awful. Terrible. Muy muy painful. I don't know what happened to make it hurt so much, although she said that the head is so low in the birth canal that she basically had to push the head up just to reach my cervix. Plus, I have a tilted uterus so it is incredibly difficult to reach as it is, and my cervix may be especially sensitive from the recent dilating and effacing activity.

My friend told me that once she started dilating, her cervical checks were also incredibly painful, so maybe it is just that I've never been this dilated without an epidural and I didn't realize how much it would hurt. I know that when I was in the hospital giving birth to Gabe, they had to bring in a different doctor with narrower hands and longer fingers because the attending couldn't even reach my cervix. Stupid problematic cervix. Although I shouldn't say that, because today I am very happy with my functioning cervix!

Now, I know that I could walk around for the next 2 weeks at 2cm, but now that she has reported that I am making some change, I'm realizing that oh yeah, I have been having a lot of pressure and some sporadic pains that might be contractions. I'd just put it out of my mind since I was so sure that we were going the overdue and induced route with this baby also. Since this morning, I've been having more of those sporadic contractions, and one that even caused me some slight cringing because it was accompanied by some pain. Interesting.

I'm slightly stressed because my mom doesn't arrive until December 14th at 10pm, and she is supposed to be in the delivery room with us, and my dad is supposed to watch Gabe, but I can't really worry about it until I have something to worry about. She can't just ditch work, considering that we don't know whether I'll go into labor or not, but I never thought it was even a possibility I'd go into labor before my due date so this is a bit of a shock. An excellent, exciting, fun shock, but still surprising.

So. I guess I really am having a baby some time soon! The newfound fear has spurred me into action, and this afternoon I washed baby clothes, washed the bassinet fabric, started cleaning the living room and dining room, wrote down a schedule for Gabe for whoever ends up watching him while we're in the hospital, tried to organize the nursery, and put some additional things in my hospital bag.

It sounds funny to say that at 38 and a half weeks I didn't really think we were having a baby, but I guess I didn't really think we were having a baby. Denial denial denial, huh?