a full-time marriage

As I've mentioned before, Josh and I had a part-time marriage up until he returned from Costa Rica in July. By part-time, I mean that he traveled 4+ days a week for the 3 years we've been married. He'd never had a stretch of time without a plane ticket purchased for some future flight, whether it be next week or next month. The longest stretch we spent together without traveling was about 3 weeks.

I joke with people who ask how we do this, that we got married, but have a part-time marriage to ease us into the full-time stuff. The last time we lived in the same city was college! Over 5 years ago! It has been a long time, and we were happy to see it end.

We would sometimes talk about the benefits of such a lifestyle, frequent fliers miles, hotel points, independent lives and friendships, the ability to move to Connecticut, then New York, then Massachusetts or wherever my job might take us. In college, we might argue and then tearfully and dramatically make-up without really discussing the issue. When you are separated by thousands of miles, though, that becomes an impossibility and suddenly communication skills come at a premium. We did learn to communicate better during the four and a half years of travel pre and during-marriage. We also made sure to appreciate our time together on the weekends. Absence does sometimes make the heart grow fonder. It sometimes makes you want to fling the phone against the wall, too.

The downsides of this consulting lifestyle are pretty obvious. I missed him, I had to take the brunt of the housework, organizational details, dog care, family cards and gifts and visits. The worst part for me, though, was that after traveling all week, Josh had little energy or desire to take weekend trips or make plans. He was always exhausted, and after some weeks of no sleep, highly irritable too.

But thankfully, that lifestyle is over now. I find it hard to express what a pleasure it is to sleep beside him every night and wake up next to him every morning. Every Sunday night he gleefully slides into bed and informs me that he does NOT have to get up at 4am to catch a flight! Hurray!

It is an adjustment too, I can't lie. I am used to leaving a mess until Thursday afternoon when I do a mad scramble to clean up, and now I struggle to keep my clothes hung and my dishes thrown into the dishwasher. I can't leave my toiletries strewn across the bathroom sink or my pajamas on the floor. I have a full-time marriage now.

This morning, Josh had a later class and we decided to go out for breakfast before he dropped me off at the subway. I groaned when he shook me awake at 6:30am and Josh told me that if I'd rather sleep in, we could do breakfast another time. But I looked over at him, reminded myself of what life without him on weekday mornings was like, and jumped out of bed with a spring in my step.

I'd give up sleep anytime to hear his voice instead of the buzzer every morning. This full-time marriage is worth the lack of sleep.