Tuesday, June 23, 2009

we feel strongly about the biting, apparently

Okay, I'm getting the feeling details are important to all of you in the whole biting fiasco, so let's back up for a minute.

1. The biter is 3 years old, not 12-18 months old. Regardless of his age, though, no one is blaming the biter for his actions. He got frustrated or freaked out or whatever, and he has older siblings who beat on him (according to the director) and that is why he lashed out.

2. The director of the program wasn't talking to the mother of the biter. She was talking to my mom, but she made the comment about Gabe taking toys from other kids loudly right in front of the other mother, I assume it was so the other mother would hear. The biting had happened the day before and she'd already spoken to the other mother on that day, and according to her the other mother wasn't concerned and didn't think it was a big deal (the biting, I mean).

3. No one saw the incident leading to the biting, so we are only speculating that the two were fighting over a toy, the director just saw the kid on Gabe's back and Gabe was screaming.

4. I am upset about the actual bite, the same way I would be upset if Gabe fell off the swing set and had a visible welt, scratches and bruise that remained on his back 5 days later. I'm sad it happened to him and I'm sorry he was hurt. I honestly don't even think he realizes he was bitten, though, since it was on his back.

5. I do think it is ridiculous for us to even talk about a 2 year old taking toys away from other kids, because snatching toys is like breathing to a toddler. I'm still working on him not taking toys away from other kids and sharing better, but we've been working on those skills since as far back as I can remember.

6. The director has already apologized profusely and has said repeatedly that of course she doesn't think any child should bite, no excuse for the biting, etc. She says she was just making a comment and it came out wrong. I'm fine with her and although Gabe isn't going back next year (another post for another day), I'd love to send Josie to her in another year.

7. I'm reading the The Pillars of the Earth, and holy shit, this book is awesome. (see how I seamlessly changed the subject there?)


Beth said...

And I am so glad you did - I need a new book to read - thank you!

Angie said...

I dread Steven going to kindergarten. I am so sorry this happened to Gabe.

KLee said...

So sorry to hear that Gabe was bitten. And, no -- the director making catty comments does NOT make the situation any better.

I would continue to work on not snatching with Gabe, and explain to him that he needs to use his words -- that a lot of the time kids bite because they don't know how to express their dissatisfaction with things around them. That might make Gabe feel like it wasn't so much him, or anything he might have done to "earn" a bite, but it might make him understand why other kids who may be less verbal do. Not that anyone ever deserves to be bitten...

Yes, Pillars of the Earth is a FANTASTIC book! I love that one! Once you're done, check out "World Without End" also by Ken Follett. It is a continuation of the same families, and centering around Kingsbridge and the cathedral. Very good, too!