first smiles

Last night Josie slept beautifully in 4 hour stretches, and I was up since 2am sick in the bathroom from this stomach bug. When my sickness finally eased at around 6am, Josie decided she was up for the day and began cooing and chatting with me, despite all my efforts to shut off the lights, close my eyes, and ignore her.

When I finally gave in and turned on the light on my nightstand, I looked down at her and she gave me the biggest, most blinding smile, and to be sure I wasn't mistaken, held it there for what felt like an eternity, but was maybe 10 seconds. Josh and my mom kept insisting that she'd smiled at them purposefully over the last week, but I didn't believe it.

That sweet smile almost makes all this stomach bug, lack of sleep, want to cry with exhaustion nonsense worth it. Ok, who am I kidding, it is totally worth it.

I feel guilty because the tally of pictures for Josie versus Gabe is already uneven, and it is only the first month. The truth is, though, I can't seem to tear myself away from holding her, kissing her, snuggling her, to grab the camera or write a blog post. With Gabe, I was so concerned with him being spoiled that I would resist holding him just for the sake of enjoyment, to make sure I put him down in his bassinet awake or didn't get him too used to being carried around. With Josie, I'm a little less worried about her being spoiled, and I simply can't tear myself away from her. I want to bury my nose in her neck, I want to stop her from growing up, I want to keep her in my arms forever.

It has been shocking to find that I can love another little person as much as I love Gabe. I thought it was impossible.

I'm not a super affectionate person, but with both of my children I can't resist. I've tricked poor Gabe into giving me hugs by never asking if he wants a hug, but asking instead whether he wants a big hug or a little hug. Yesterday he finally caught on and responded, "NO HUG!" but for the most part, he complies. Poor Josie has no choice, so she gets slobbered on constantly.

Now I'm just wishing time would slow down. It moved quickly with Gabe, but it is impossibly fast with two kids. Even though this time around I know how much fun awaits me at every new stage, I can't help hoping for the two of them to stay the same a little longer. I should know better by now, huh?