Friday, May 16, 2008

makes you wonder about our home's construction, huh?

I came home tonight, at 8:15 pm, which is pretty close to Gabe's bedtime, to discover that I was locked out of the house.

You see, I left this afternoon through the garage because the stroller was in the garage and I needed to put it in the car. I checked and double checked that I had the front door key before I closed the garage door and snuck out underneath, because, come on, I'm no idiot. I failed to check, however, that I'd removed the FREAKING CHAIN from the front door.

So I get home late, laden with bags, and a cranky child, and dogs barking crazily inside, and horrific morning sickness, and crazy pregnancy hormones, and discover that we're locked out because the safety chain lock thing is keeping us out. The garage door opener is sitting in Josh's locked car at the Boston airport, while Josh is in Seattle with the keys to his car.

What to do? With my cranky toddler in tow, I find a stick in the backyard to see if I can somehow fashion a hook to push the inside chain off the track to let us in. Shockingly, my stick idea doesn't work although I made a valiant attempt and skinned half of my hand off while trying. Then, I try my keys in the side and back doors, even though I KNOW they don't open those doors because we specifically fashioned the door locks that way. I look around for an open window, even though I don't have a ladder to access the windows, but whatever, I'm not thinking straight at this point. I called Josh in Seattle, but another big shock, he can't really help from 3,000 miles away. In fact, he told me he was busy in a meeting but would "try to brainstorm in the meantime". Gee, thanks.

I return to the front door, examine the situation again, and decide on the most logical thing my pregnant brain can come up with. I'll kick down the door. KICK DOWN THE DOOR. And do you know what? I actually did it. I kicked our front door hard enough and long enough that I took the entire molding off the door, where the chain was attached, off the wall. Yup.

And then I calmly took the rather large piece of molding, with chain still attached, and large nails sticking out, and placed it on the dining room table for Josh to deal with. I vacuumed up the chunks of paint and wall that littered my entryway, dressed my child for bed, put him down, and ate a cupcake, because damn it, I needed one.

Never in this whole situation did it occur to me to ask the neighbor for a bolt cutter to cut through the chain, or even to go to the hardware store to buy a bolt cutter to cut through the chain. Nope. The logical thing to me was to kick down the door. Not call a locksmith, or the fire department, or whomever you call in situations like these. I kick down doors. With toddlers watching, because I like to set good examples.

It is any wonder that he keeps kicking the dogs? Also, please send more cupcakes. I'm going to need them tomorrow when Josh sees the front door.


Meika said...

Oh my gosh. You are HILARIOUS!!! So glad I stopped by here today - and good luck with Josh!

Maribeth said...

It's the hormones! I'm on the other end, entering menopause, and I swear to God I get these waves of Incredible Hulk like strength. That's what happened to you.

Rev Dr Mom said...

Hey, you got yourself and Gabe back in the house. That's the important thing, right?

I never would've thought of a bolt cutter either.

Chatty said...


But if you were MY neighbor, I would have been able to get the key from me. Or take shelter at my house until a further plan had evolved.

I'm just saying.

Nadine said...


And I'm super impressed with your superhuman strength.

KathyR said...

That is awesome.

I mean, bummer about the molding and all.

But, awesome.

Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

You are Wonder Woman! NSAH and I are in awe of your door-kicking abilities.

Beth & Rob said...

What a great story. Fabulous on so many levels. Women are great things. Especially hormone driven pregnant ones! I PARTICULARLY liked the bit where you vacummed all the splinters up. Super woman but with a tidy edge - fabulous!

Phantom Scribbler said...

It's wrong how hard I laughed at this. Just wrong.

Me, I did not even know that bolt cutters existed. But I once entertained the kids with some close-up looks at the fire truck parked across the street. Because the neighbor had locked herself out of the house and called the fire department to let her back in.

Honestly, I think kicking down the door is a MUCH better solution.

Anonymous said...

Oh my! How very 70s crime show of you. lol So, what did he say? Hope he was as amused as the rest of us! :::abrazo:::

Knit and Purl Mama said...

That is too funny. I would have kicked the door in too!