Tuesday, February 05, 2008

taking a break from the breastfeeding and the gestating

I didn't even know this could happen to men. I've seen it happen to my female friends, I remember what it felt like when it happened to me, but I never expected this to happen. I've asked around, and I still haven't found anyone who has faced the same situation.

Josh has caught it. And he's caught it BAD.

He has the baby bug.

Josh has undertaken a serious campaign to convince me to have another baby, ASAP. This campaign started a little over a month ago, right around the time that Gabe turned one. Josh decided that he is ready to have another baby, and he won't take no for an answer.

He has tons of good reasons for it. He wants the kids to be close together in age in the hopes that they will be friends. He wants to make another that is as cute and amazing as Gabe is (as if that is even possible). He misses the baby baby stage. He doesn't want to be having babies for years and years on end (his words, not mine). Plus, he wants another baby. NOW. Just because he does. Is that clear?

I'm tempted, don't get me wrong. I miss the baby baby stage too, and I don't feel overwhelmed with Gabe, and I think that emotionally and physically, I could have another baby and be ecstatic about it. But here's the thing- I am LOVING being with Gabe right now. He is so much fun and so exciting and interesting and just delicious, and I want to eat him up. I am truly enjoying this period in his life, and I'm not ready to take away from that. Once I get pregnant, the pregnancy is going to take time away from him, what with the nausea and the vomiting and the general ickiness that I'm sure I'll feel, plus 9 months later, there will be another little human that wants to breastfeed 27 hours a day again and never wants to sleep and wants to take up every second of my time. I just stopped breastfeeding a month ago, I need a little bit of time to enjoy my there-is-no-person-relying-on-me-for-nourishment life!

On the other hand, there will be another glorious amazing little baby. And maybe having them closer together will make them closer friends. Maybe Gabe will be fine, maybe I will have an easier pregnancy, maybe it would be awesome, maybe I won't be burnt out with the nonstop breastfeeding and gestating.

I don't know, though. For now, I'm undecided, and trying to hold Josh off for a few more months at least. When I got pregnant with Gabe, I was ready to have a baby, like, yesterday. I wanted him so so so badly. I want that same excitement and anticipation for any future babies I am lucky enough to have. I think we should wait just a little bit longer. In the meantime, I'm keeping an eye on him. He better not start poking holes in condoms or anything crazy like that.


liz said...

Only having had the one, I can't speak to this...but my sister and I are 5.5 YEARS apart and we were, are, and always will be great friends.

Maribeth said...

Okay, I'm like the wrong one to ask. You see my girls were 22 months apart. I never regretted it. In fact, it was perfect because they were best friends, they did play together and they loved each other so much!

Chatty said...

As you know, we squish our kids together around here. I like the 19-ish month age difference, but that's because it's what I know. You know?

Selfishly, I'd be THRILLED if you got knocked up right now, but the difference of a few months is nothing in the grad scheme. Tell Josh to keep his raincoat on already. Sheesh.

Anonymous said...

I think listen to yourself. You're the one doing the lion's share of the work so it has to feel right to you.

If you recall, Guy has always been very sweet about family planning. I have him to thank for all 3 of our girls in more ways than one because I've always been a bit of a chicken when it comes to taking the plunge.

Actually, by the time we got around to TTC'ing Elle, I was SUPER DUPER READY (but Natalie was 4, hello!, time totally got away from us with that one). However, when I was ready to quit trying after many unsuccessful attempts and the whole infertility work up, he was the one who kept me going.

I do think it's terribly sweet of Josh to be so enthusiastic about fatherhood, don't get me wrong, but ultimately I do feel it should be mostly up to you and what you're comfortable with.

Beth & Rob said...

I totally get both of you. I thought I was pregnant last month and completly freaked out about it and then when I wasn't I was disappointed! Work that out? There is 5 years age difference between my 2 sisters and I and 2 between my brother. We are got on SO well when growing up (and still do). Rob and his brother are 2 years apart and don't. It's so hard to know. Go with your gut instinct and you know if a babe is ready to come along I am sure he/she will when the time is right for your little family.

mamatulip said...

My kiddos are about 25 months apart and yeah, it's tough at times, but I am so glad that they're this close together. The bond between them is amazing and I love seeing them together.

You guys will know when the time is right for you to have another one.

twoxthefun said...

My hubby did that to me. I knew I wanted more but didn't want to take away from how special our first one was for us. Some how he won and our girls are 20 months apart. I was so worried/freaked out when I found out I was preggo. My baby had just turned 1 and I was going to have another baby before she turned 2. But honestly it's the best thing we ever did, I love watching them together. They entertain each other and my oldest helps with her little sister. What ever you decide if it's now or later adding another baby to the family is going to be great!

Lady Liberal said...

Hmm...I'm in the throes of sleep-deprivation from breastfeeding a 9-week-old with reflux, so I may be biased.
BUT, while I think your Hubby is awfully cute and sweet, I think you should go with your own gut. You know first hand that pregnancy and the newborn period are tough- beautiful and sweet, but tough.

Jess said...

As far as the spacing goes--your kids might be emotionally close if they're close in age, or they might hate each other. There's no way to tell. I'm close with my sister (2.5 years difference) but neither of us are close with our brother (4 years difference between me and him, but only 2 between my brother and sister).

That said, babies are sweet. Mine is only 6 weeks and I'm missing my newborn already.

My Wombinations said...

You could be like me and just let the "hot, hot sex" from your last post do the work for you--just kidding. I am not trying to convince you, but I am happy that our kids will be 18 months apart for a lot of reasons. Still, it should be your choice... after all, you do the heavy lifting.

Rev Dr Mom said...

My first three kids were each 2 years and 9 months apart. If I were to do it again, I'd make that space even bigger; I just think it is easier when they are in completely different developmental stages, and I don't think closeness in age guarantees that they'll be friends.

That said, go with your gut. If you're ready, fine, but if you want to enjoy Gabe as an only for a while longer, don't be pressured. You'll know when you're ready.

Lisanne said...

Good luck with your decision! I hope that things work out however you'd like for them to ~ and I know that they will! Our children are 19 months apart. Meredith was a surprise blessing ... originally, we thought about TTC our second in August 2006, but funny ... I was almost *done* with my pregnancy by then! haha :) She is such a blessing. Having two children is physically EXHAUSTING at times, but it is *so* much fun!!!

Meika said...

Ha! That's hilarious. I don't think this is as uncommon as you think, though, what with all the gestating and lactating that we do (as you put it so well). M's been pushing for #2 since Chloe was three or four months old, and one of my good friend's hubbies has done this to her for every single child. Husbands. Aren't they cute.

OneTiredEma said...

I don't think men realize how physically taxing pregnancy is. Yes, yes, miraculous with your morning sickness, yada yada. But even if you're not sick (I never was), it is EXHAUSTING and UNCOMFORTABLE. You are growing a human being! It's amazing! But not easy.

Gabe sounds like he is a very active little guy (admittedly, almost ALL toddlers are)--there is nothing wrong with wanting to wait six months or 12 months or until he's in preschool 6 hours a week or until he's in kindergarten if that's what you choose. Because your pregnancy will make you, at a minimum, very tired.

Like other have said, age proximity is not a guarantee of closeness.

My 22 month spacing is, shall we say, a "happy accident" (due in part to my husband's fear that it would take us as long to conceive #2 as it did #1). So far there have been good times and bad times. Although it did save me from the "What's the perfect spacing?" debate, because I could have obsessed over that for years!

You can always wave the libido flag if you need him to back off ;-) Because there is nothing like an infant and a 2.5 yr old sleeping woes in tandem to grind that sex drive right into dust.

By the way, if you read Ask Moxie there have been at least a couple of posts on "ideal" child spacing that might be of interest to you both.

Knit & Purl Mama said...

So... when will you start trying for baby number 2?