Wednesday, May 31, 2006

chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug-a

We heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time today. It sounded like a little train going at top speed- so different from my own whoosh whoosh whoosh of a heartbeat.

Tears pricked my eyes the minute she centered in on that elusive little train with the doppler. It flitted away from the doppler a couple of times and it took her several tries to get it to stay long enough for her to listen in and count. I'd brought a tape recorder, but Josh stood there in stunned silence while I motioned for him to grab it and start recording. I think he is slightly blown away by the whole thing.

According to the doctor, now that we've seen the ultrasound and heard the heartbeat, our miscarriage rate is less than 1%. She said that as far as she is concerned, we can tell the world now. And I guess this means we're having a baby! Although I'm not sure I can wholeheartedly believe that idea, with all the added information I've acquired from the Internet. But I may start to TRY to believe it anyway.

It also looks like my vomiting hasn't stopped me from gaining weight, and I put on a good 3 pounds since my last visit. Far better than the 4 pounds I'd lost before that. Now that I've discovered that chicken all the time keeps me from getting sick, I guess I'll be able to put on weight. I can't believe that 3 pounds can make all my pants and shirts not fit me, though. Getting dressed in the morning is a serious endeavor. Finding something that fits and doesn't highlight my growing abdomen is getting ridiculous, and I'm relieved to hear that I should be able to tell my work in the next couple of weeks. There are only so many sweater sets that I can wear!

I already broke down and bought maternity pants because not being able to breathe in the afternoons from my waistband cutting into me wasn't a pleasant experience. I love my new stretchy pants and I'm wondering why we don't have more clothes with this splendid elastic waistband! I would think that on bloated days these would be great!

And now I'm back to feeling that I've been blessed far more than I deserve. I keep waiting for something to go wrong, and these past few weeks have been an exercise in willing the days away. It is so hard not to want the first trimester to be done with as soon as possible, so I can go ahead with the business of believing that a baby might result from all this. I want to stop that, though, and maybe today's good news will help.

I'll never be pregnant again with my first baby in my first trimester. This is it. Any subsequent pregnancy will be different. I won't have the same fears and anticipation and desperate longing to know what will happen. I doubt we'll ever again have the dedication to take a picture of my belly every single week. I'll never keep as detailed of a journal, although I might try.

This is my one chance to experience this one time in my life, this one "trial by fire" pregnancy as Angie put it, and I'm going to stop worrying and start enjoying instead. Stinkin' happy is the way to be. Just remind me sometimes, okay?

22 comments:

jo(e) said...

The heartbeat! Oh, that's an exciting and important moment. Yes, it does rule out most of the first-trimester miscarriages -- looks like you are going to have a baby!

I have to say that every single time I had a baby, it wasn't until I was actually holding the baby in my arms that I truly believed it. It's just so amazing that is hard to believe.

mc said...

Hey, I'll remind you to enjoy the pregnancy if you remind me to enjoy the baby (who wants to eat every hour and who currently is opposed to sleeping)!

Seriously, though, you're right on about how precious a first pregnancy is. And about the value of elastic waist pants -- I have worn nothing else for months! Congrats to you and Josh and the little train...

susan said...

It's just so wonderful to read you being so happy! It makes me all happy, too. Enjoy!

Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

Yay, I'm so happy for you guys. And I empathize on the clothes-not-fitting thing. I just found out I have to go to court on Friday, but none of my suits fit me anymore. Or they don't fit me well. I might bring a pair of jeans to work to change into afterward!

KLee said...

Heck, I just said the hell with pants altogether! I bought a bunch of long broomstick skirts, and I was free and clear! No binding waistband for me! :)

I'm glad to know that everything was all right at your appointment, and that you and Josh both got to hear the heartbeat! It's exciting, isn't it? No, you'll never be pregnant for the first time again, but enjoy this while it lasts. Once the baby's here, you won't be worried about how YOU look anymore. Or wearing pants, for that matter. Whole days will pass with you in nightclothes. :)

Pink Cupcake said...

Such a beautiful post, HL. I'm so excited for you and Josh. I can only imagine how wonderful it must have been to hear the heartbeat. I'm so happy that you are so happy...it's fantastic.

Take good care of yourself and enjoy all of this. :)

mama_tulip said...

Oh, the heartbeat! The best part of every visit to the OB! It's such a great sound. Wait until you start feeling little kicks and tugs. ;)

It's true, once the heartbeat is detected the miscarriage rate shoots way down, although I was always cautious about who I told until I passed the 3-month mark. However, if I hear someone shouting from the rooftops about gaining three pounds and chug-a-chug-a, I'll know it's you. ;)

donna said...

Isn't that the best? I cried immediately when I heard the heartbeat. This is an exciting time and hopefully now you can relax a little bit more and enjoy it.

Girl said...

Oh goodness...don't make me cry.

I will pray...and keep praying...for you and your new family.

Blessings!!

Ninotchka said...

Que linda! I'm so happy you heard the hb loud and strong. That's just beautiful.

Chatty Cricket said...

Ahhhhhhhhh, so sweet!

ccw said...

Your feelings are completely normal, but do try to enjoy all of your pregnancy.

So exciting about the heartbeat. Hearing that sound for the first time is so amazing.

Jill said...

Congratulations on hearing the heartbeat. How exciting!

Phantom Scribbler said...

Such a sweet post!

But don't be too hard on yourself. It is possible to be stinkin' happy AND stinkin' whiny simultaneously. It doesn't mean that you're appreciating the experience any less.

Yankee T said...

AW, HL, I am SO HAPPY for you! There is nothing in the world more wonderful than parenthood, I swear! Such an exciting time for you!

Cheerio Mom said...

I have a feeling the heartbeat will make tears come every time you get to hear it.It's amazing Congratulations.
You have a wonderful outlook .Hope all the Nausea goes away soon!

Suzanne said...

I can tell that I am going to love reading all your posts about pregnancy. It's so thrilling to read about the joy the first time around.

I second the notion on expandable-waist pants: I often said that my maternity jeans were the most comfortable pants ever.

Bethiclaus said...

I loved my maternity pants and I kind of refuse to give them up, even though I lost all the weight!

I started wearing them at nine weeks because the waist was so uncomfortable on any of my regular pants. I figure I'll stop wearing them when they actually fall off.

peripateticpolarbear said...

What a wonderful, happy post!

purple_kangaroo said...

Awww, how wonderful.

Kristin said...

So cool! Also, while I've never been pregnant, I've got lots of experience with weight gain and I recommend low-rise pants. It's amazing how much more comfortable I feel without my pants waistband restricting me. Low rise pants with about 3% spandex. Mmm, perfect.

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