Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I may bubble wrap myself

Egads, you guys. We are having some kind of infestation of these disgusting, revolting, stomach-turning, scream-inducing bugs.

(I cannot possibly put that picture on my blog because I might VOMIT)

Seriously, they are everywhere, and I am completely traumatized. For a few days there, I was finding up to 10 of them crawling around the house and I cannot figure out how they are getting in, where they are coming from, or how to stop them. We called an exterminator who told us the problem is that they have no natural predators, so when they start having their babies or whatever the hell they do, they just multiply like crazy with no way of stopping them. Also, they love cool dampness, and we have had quite the wet summer, so they are running around like gangbusters.

GAG.

The other day, I was gardening outside and came inside to get the kids something to eat, and saw a strand of hair dangling in my face, and when I went to brush it aside, an earwig crawled from that strand of hair onto my hand. THAT BUG WAS ON MY HEAD, HANGING FROM MY HAIR, IN MY FACE. Let's have a moment of silence.

Then earlier this week I picked up a bib from the kitchen counter, and two, TWO (!!!) crawled out from underneath the bib. (I'm honestly almost crying over here)

And then the worst of the worst of the worst? This morning, I was changing Josie's diaper and I pulled a wipe out of the container and wiped her with it and I DEPOSITED AN EARWIG ONTO MY DAUGHTER'S HOO-HA. They have infiltrated the wipes container and are hiding inside. On her girly bits (as Chatty Cricket calls them), I actually wiped her with an actual EARWIG and then I died and moved out of the house.

Josh keeps swearing he is going to spray the outside of the house with some organic chemical, and normally I'm all chemical-phobic and concerned about cancer, but I tell you, these bugs are starting to possibly look worse than chemical poisoning. I can barely sleep at night for fear of them crawling into our bed and biting me.

Finally, to add insult to injury, I was killing some tiny gnats that had gotten into the house from our trips in and out, and I went to swat at a moth, and IT FLEW INTO MY EYE AND GOT STUCK IN THE SPACE BETWEEN MY EYELID AND EYEBALL. You guys, I cannot even make this shit up, so I'm jumping up and down and screaming and holding my eye open with both hands and trying to get the moth to come out and Josh is staring at me in horror and saying, "I can't touch your eyeball. I just can't." while I am literally having a bug crawling into my brain.

I think this might be grounds for divorce, I honestly do.

11 comments:

liz said...

I hate earwigs worse than any other bug. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with them.

Theresa said...

i am so, so sorry. I hate icky bugs. I hate when icky bugs get into your house. It's one of the times I put green living aside and just say go for the chemicals, I don't care, as long as there are no more icky bugs. I am crying for you.

Anonymous said...

Okay - I've been there. Here's what you do ...

I can't remember exactly what this stuff is called, but you can get it at Home Depot or Lowes. It's a powder for roaches - yes, roaches. This stuff is amazing because what it does is gets on them and then they bring it into their nest and it gets on the ones in the nest. It dries up their exoskeletons so they basically dehydrate and die. It's the ONLY thing that I found that works - and I've tried everything. Put the powder around the perimeter of your house and in areas you know they are - like under plantars or welcome mats etc. It takes about 5 days BUT IT WORKS. Keep the kids away from it, but that shouldn't be an issue unless because they live in dark damp places. The spray stuff doesn't work - you need the powder.

Good luck.
Kellie

TK said...

OMG. I think I may have nightmares about that moth story. You poor thing!! (And, Trevor runs screaming from the bathroom when he watches ME touch my OWN eyeball to take out my lenses, so I guarantee he would let the bug just crawl up into my brain as well, if it makes you feel any better).

Anonymous said...

I've heard Borax might work - they ingest it and it tears them up from the inside out...look it up and see if that is correct - I know it worked for fleas...Specifically if you have wood floors - the powder can get in the cracks where they lay eggs and then the babies ingest, etc.

Best of luck!

Chatty Cricket said...

I'm dying over here on your behalf. We've also had more than usual lately, and because Mister is TERRIFIED of them, we looked them up on Google and as it turns out they are harmless. GROSS, but HARMLESS to people. They don't bite- they eat bugs (don't they all?), vegetables, fruits, plants, etc, but not people.

Then again, I'm sure centipedes are ALSO harmless to people and do all sorts of useful things like eat earwigs and I damn near sold our old house when we had the infestation. So, you know....I hear you on this.

moth + eyeball = barf.

Summer said...

You really are being plagued, aren't you? Poor thing. I'd say you need a vacation, but somehow I doubt that a vacation would lower your stress level right now.

I think that the powder Kellie mentioned is boric acid. It's often labeled for roaches and ants. I wouldn't recommend eating it, but if a tiny bit gets on your skin it's not a big deal -- it's used in eye washes and to treat yeast infections. And the spray your husband wants to use is probably pyrethrin, which is made from chrysanthemum petals. So go forth and smite the invaders with a clear conscience. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Actually earwigs do bite, it feels like a pinch. I don't think it causes any harm but they do hurt. We had them when we moved into the house we are now living in about 10 years ago. We had an exterminator come and they were gone for all these years until this year (very wet and rainy and damp here too). I've only spotted one so far but if I were to have a problem I'd get the exterminator. I hate chemicals too but maybe just one application will work. Good luck!

bramey said...

I started laughing, once I stopped throwing up in my mouth.

I'd be moving to a hotel - and I wouldn't take a bag with me, because the little bastards would probably be lurking in my luggage.

*barf*

(granted, the severe nausea is being helped by my morning sickness...)

Meika said...

Oh my horrified self, you poor thing! Gross!!!

That said, I've used Borax on the ants around our house and it's worked well. I'd try anything after the hoo-ha incident.

Knit and Purl Mama said...

Oh my! I am sooooooo sorry to hear you are dealing with this. Luckily we've only had to deal with ants, and not earwigs. Last year until we found where they were coming in from - we had ants ALL over the house. Couldn't so much leave a spec of food lying around.

I feel for you. Those would make me scream too.