TO KILL ME.
Okay, it's out there. I said it.
Whooooo boy. I am either going to run away from home, start drinking, or lose my everloving mind. And soon.
Gabe is on a three year old rampage. On Friday afternoon he spit at me, got sent to time out, took off his clothes, and peed on the time out step. I'm not even going to tell you what I did, and what I really wanted to do, but suffice to say, I really and truly feared for his well-being. That is how angry I was.
Josie is teething multiple teeth complete with blood blisters on her gums. She is a non-sleeping, screaming all the time, demanding to be catered to, utter disaster of a child. A lunatic who runs head first into everything and will not be contained.
And Josh is away on a business trip.
I have been humbled, and I am exhausted, and I put the children down at night and then come downstairs and try to calm the anger that has been building throughout the day while I am endlessly patient and understanding and loving.
I gave the ultimate punishment to Gabe tonight and he went to bed without his pacifiers. Josh actually gasped when I called to tell him. Punishment courtesy of him asking to take down his "special" toys, the train and semi-truck we bought for him in Prague at an outdoor market from a hand carving toy stand, where I spent hours poring over the toys and picking out the perfect toy for him and his future siblings. After playing with both toys for 10 minutes, he stomped on the train and broke off the wooden hand carved wheels, and then walked over and stomped on the semi-truck and broke the wooden HAND CARVED platform where the cars are carried.
I could cry, I'm so angry. I know they are just toys, and obviously we have our health and our home and everything is good and happy and all that, but WHAT THE FUCK? I am at a loss. I'm so tired and frustrated and angry and I don't know what to do anymore. I am stern, I am strict, I have firm limits. I am positive and happy and kind to my children and I model good behavior, and still. STILL.
I need a vacation. Or a valium.