Tuesday, February 23, 2010

maybe electric shock collars would work


Okay, it's out there. I said it.

Whooooo boy. I am either going to run away from home, start drinking, or lose my everloving mind. And soon.

Gabe is on a three year old rampage. On Friday afternoon he spit at me, got sent to time out, took off his clothes, and peed on the time out step. I'm not even going to tell you what I did, and what I really wanted to do, but suffice to say, I really and truly feared for his well-being. That is how angry I was.

Josie is teething multiple teeth complete with blood blisters on her gums. She is a non-sleeping, screaming all the time, demanding to be catered to, utter disaster of a child. A lunatic who runs head first into everything and will not be contained.

And Josh is away on a business trip.

I have been humbled, and I am exhausted, and I put the children down at night and then come downstairs and try to calm the anger that has been building throughout the day while I am endlessly patient and understanding and loving.

I gave the ultimate punishment to Gabe tonight and he went to bed without his pacifiers. Josh actually gasped when I called to tell him. Punishment courtesy of him asking to take down his "special" toys, the train and semi-truck we bought for him in Prague at an outdoor market from a hand carving toy stand, where I spent hours poring over the toys and picking out the perfect toy for him and his future siblings. After playing with both toys for 10 minutes, he stomped on the train and broke off the wooden hand carved wheels, and then walked over and stomped on the semi-truck and broke the wooden HAND CARVED platform where the cars are carried.

I could cry, I'm so angry. I know they are just toys, and obviously we have our health and our home and everything is good and happy and all that, but WHAT THE FUCK? I am at a loss. I'm so tired and frustrated and angry and I don't know what to do anymore. I am stern, I am strict, I have firm limits. I am positive and happy and kind to my children and I model good behavior, and still. STILL.

I need a vacation. Or a valium.


stacy said...

I just want you to know that you are not alone. That we have all been through these things.
That there are times that we all lose it and want to kill them or have them kill us to put us out of our misery!

The hand made broken items would have made me lose it too!

Honestly at this point at 3, its a good time for the pacifiers to go anyhow...

Teething sucks! I am sure you are using all the usual stuff to help. tylenol, baby orajel, letting her have endless frozen things to chew on to help with pain.

Sometimes a glass of wine for mom will mellow her out and make things seem less bad and allow you to make it through! Helps you sleep too!

Tell me, or rather think on this.
Does He always get worse when your husband is gone? He may be acting out because he is upset that dad is gone and at 3 he doesn't know how else to express it.
Just something to think on, there might be a pattern there. If so there are things to do to help counter it.


you will survive and so will they!

Anonymous said...

There's nothing I can say, as I feel I'm more prone to losing it than ever here lately. (I went off my PMDD meds and am finding out, I'm not that nice a person unmedicated). It is frustrating. I'm so sorry. Te mando un fuerte abrazo!

Maribeth said...

Okay, I am a Mom from a different era, but when my kids acted up in this manner, (and they sure did) they got a one time smack on their bottoms. Then they got sent to their room to think about what they did. I usually gave them 15-30 minutes depending on their age, to think, and then went in to talk to them about what they did.
It sounds like Gabe is a bit out of control. You need to help reign him in and set limits. He needs to learn how to control himself. Even at the age of three.
I'm with Stacy on the pacifier thing. When I babysat for working Moms I got a 4 year old with his "binky" who was also not potty trained. In one week, I de-binky'd him and toilet trained him. Why? Because I didn't let him run the show.
I know it is hard when you are tired and have a teething baby to be strong, but this is make or break time.
I'm sure some Moms will be scandalized that I actually swatted my kid on the bottom once or twice. I never did it hard, never did it in anger and always did it as a last resort to get their attention.
My kids are all grown up, well adjusted and productive members of society now. None of them ended up in jail.

Chatty Cricket said...

I know Gabe, I know he's a good kid. I ALSO know he is three years old and I know what three years old is LIKE having just been there with Lady and since, you know, we are CURRENTLY there with Mister.

Let me repeat: Gabe is a really good kid. He's sweet, and he's kind, and he's VERY SMART, and he does stuff. YOU are an AWESOME MOM.

Kids do stupid frustrating things that coming from an adult? Would certainly mean they have a chip missing. But Gabe probably (definitely) has no idea what it means to break his special toys. Like the peeing on the time out step (hmmmm, what would happen if I pee on the time out step?), he probably thought it would be fun or interesting to stomp on the toys and so that's what he did.

Without sounding like a complete asshole goober, it's a good moment to teach him what it means to have (and break) special things. He won't know it's a terrible thing unless you teach him it's a terrible thing.

As for the pacis? DUDE, if that's his special thing then that is ONE HELL OF A GOOD WAY to show him how off the mark his behavior was. They do a LOT of learning at this point- learning about right and wrong, learning about consequences. Consequences are HARD, but they are so important, and I know you know that. Stick with it, it will absolutely pay off.

I have nothing to say about teething except I believe it to be an utter and TOTAL bitch. and then they fall out.

Is fetal alcohol syndrome real? Because I know I am DEFINITELY having my fair share of days lately where I feel like I need a Mommy's little helper come 5:00.

Anonymous said...

3 yrs is a tough age, I know a lot of people who say the 3 yr old year is way worse than the 2 yr old year.

What about implementing a reward system that focuses on rewarding good behavior rather than focusing on the negative? The time-outs and punishments will still be necessary and it won't eliminate bad behavior, but we've had tremendous success with this system. Our child collects stickers throughout the week for good behavior (listening to mom and dad, doing things as asked, going to bed with no complaining or crying, etc) and then if a certain number of stickers are collected during the week for good behavior, a toy or a treat can be purchased on the weekends. If not enough stickers are collected because of bad behavior, then there's no toy or treat at the end of the week. The idea of a toy or treat for good behavior and stickers can be real good motivation and promote good behavior over bad.

Just a thought.

Meika said...

You took the pacis!!! And then what happened?? I've been threatening to get rid of Chloe's for months but... well. I'm a chicken. But you survived! Maybe we can, too.

Also. I drink wine. And am kind of sickly glad to hear how insane things have been at your house - since our kids are pretty much exactly the same age, at least I know it's not just me!