Wednesday, May 06, 2009

must be catching

There have been some days recently where I’ve thought to myself, “Wow. I can totally doing this. This is actually going really well!” And then, well, there are nights like tonight.

Nights where Gabe has a cough and runny nose and case of Whine-itis, Josie has her first fever (fluctuating in the 101-102 range), and Josh has to work super late (like midnight late). Nights like tonight just plain stink.

On nights like tonight, it takes me over 2 hours to get Josie down to bed, and I’m frustrated with her because she won’t just go to sleep. I had to leave Gabe alone in his room and ask him to be quiet, but he keeps banging his trucks against the wall between the rooms and rattling the doorknob. Every time the bangs echo through her bedroom, Josie’s eyes pop open and I have to start the process all over, and I’m seething with anger because Gabe can’t just be quiet.

The dogs keep scratching at the door to Josie’s room because they are hungry for dinner, and I would give them to the first passerby if I could. I keep watching the clock anxiously, because it’s 7pm, then 7:30, then 8, then 8:30, then 9, and Gabe is still awake and hasn’t had a proper dinner because Josie won’t calm down long enough for me to feed him and get him to bed.

Then the resentment comes, because it feels so unfair that we have no family close by, that Josh has to work late, that I always do this alone. That’s crazy, of course, because Josh is working late to support us and it isn’t his fault, and I don’t always do this alone, but the resentment is there, nonetheless.

Nights like tonight just stink. But the good news is that tomorrow will be better. It almost always is.


10:42pm- Another Josie wakeup and subsequent nursing. I think I may just have caught a case of Whine-itis.


Beth said...

Oh you poor thing. I feel your pain. This is HARD work but like you said tomorrow will be better. It just has to be. Hang in there x

Chatty said...

Duuuuuuuude, it is SO catching because I totally have nights like that ALL THE TIME. And then I wonder how my mother never lost her sanity because my Dad worked late every night and I know for a fact (because my Mom constantly mentions it) that my Dad never even so much as changed a diaper, and she might still be a little bitter about that.

And then I have a morning like yesterday when Sweetie and I took the boys out for a coffee after dropping Lady off at school, and not only are the boys being TOTALLY adorable, but we randomly meet a nice stranger who inquires as to their ages and when we tell him (sure to include the one off at school) instead of the standard raised eyebrows and the "WOW, you sure must be busy!" he tells us, "my three are just about the same age difference and now they're 11, 9 and 8, and I'll tell you, it's great when they're old enough to mow the lawn and walk the dog" and I wanted to totally hug him when he said, "you're in the thick of it now, but give it a few years and all of a sudden they're making their own breakfast. And I mean a real breakfast, not sneaking M&Ms while you're still sleeping."


(And I'll just give you a tidbit of hope: one day Gabe and Josie will be telling eachother knock knock jokes until they fall asleep while you and Josh are downstairs giggling and also HAVING A CONVERSATION) (!!!!)

Anonymous said...

I'm right there with you on the resentment thing. Then my resentment turns into guilt...for feeling resentful. Does that even make sense?