I need your opinion.
For a while now, maybe a month or so, I've been feeling a bit off. I don't know quite how to describe it, but I feel unfocused. I can't seem to concentrate on seemingly simple tasks like packing or picking up the house. It was particularly evident while I was trying to pack, first to leave Boston, then to leave California, then to leave Florida. I know what I need to do, but as I'm packing I feel like I can't wrap my head around the whole process. I feel convinced that I'm forgetting something or that I'll pack too much unnecessary stuff.
The whole lack of concentration makes me feel almost detached on some things. Maybe detached isn't the right word, but it's almost like I see what I need to do from a distance, but I can't seem to pay enough attention or bring myself into the process enough to get it done. Is this making any sense? I've been trying to figure out why I feel this way, and particularly asking myself whether this could be postpartum depression.
The thing is, I don't feel sad. Really, not at all. I do sometimes feel overwhelmed with life, but it is mostly when the house is ridiculously messy, or when both kids are screaming, or when my little engineering buddy asked me to paraphrase 4 pages of his introduction for him, and I was on vacation and needing to get everyone packed and I was alone with my mother in law and feeling anxious about keeping her house super picked up.
I am also really, amazingly, remarkably sleep deprived. I'm exhausted. Josie's sleep schedule has been something of a nightmare while we were on vacation, and on those nights when she did sleep, Gabe would wake up because his diapers had soaked through his pajamas and his whole bed was wet. When I'm at home, Josh always takes both babies on weekend mornings and lets me have a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep, but with my inlaws I didn't have that luxury and I didn't feel comfortable asking for it. In the afternoons while we were away, I would often collapse for a nap out of sheer exhaustion, but then I'd end up not being able to fall asleep at bedtime. A vicious cycle, that one.
Anyway, my question is this: what does this sound like to you? I'm not a person predisposed to depression, in fact, I've never even questioned whether I was depressed before. I asked Josh if I seem depressed to him, and he said absolutely not. I really do feel happy the vast vast vast majority of the time. Is this just exhaustion and life with 2 kids 23 months apart? I'm inclined to give myself a couple of weeks wherein I try to go to bed early, try to eat decent meals and snacks, maybe get a little bit of exercise, and stay on some semblance of a schedule now that we're home, and then see how I feel. I don't want to discount the fact that I've been in California for a week and a half, then Orlando for 4 days, then Sarasota for 5 days, and then home for 2 days. That would be unsettling for anyone, I think. Even poor Gabe woke up this morning and said, "Mommy, I'm home!" in an ecstatic tone of voice.
What do you think? Am I deluding myself or just being paranoid? Maybe a little of both?