more of that guilt I mentioned

We had some highs and some lows today.

Some of the highs included getting Josie to take an actual nap in her own personal crib as opposed to napping in my arms. That was a huge high. She even stayed there for 45 minutes. It was exhilarating. After waking up to eat, I was able to get her to nap again in the moses basket in our living room. Another amazing occurrence.

I took the time she gave me to attack the house with a vengeance. I did some crazy cleaning- scrubbed the stove, the inside and outside and vents of the microwave, the front of the dishwasher and refrigerator, some of the cabinets and the sink. I dusted every surface in the house, even moving books and picture frames and climbing on top of chairs and beds to reach all the surfaces. I can't recall the last time I did that, maybe never. I cleaned all the mirrors and windows. I picked up all the errant toys and clothes and put them away. I vacuumed the whole downstairs. I did some laundry. I loaded the dishwasher. I took absolutely no time to myself, but it felt good. The house is starting to look halfway decent, and I'm working out a plan to keep up the organization and cleaning, but on a step by step basis. Doing a little bit every day to keep the chaos under control.

Another high- I got a call while I was cleaning for a short term contract job, and all I kept thinking while we were talking money was how many visits from a cleaning lady that would buy. Can you tell I enjoyed the cleaning?

There was a lot of screaming today, however, courtesy of Josie. Except for those brief shining periods of time where she slept on her own, she REFUSED to be put down. Like, at all. Not in her swing, not in her exercauser, not in her bouncy chair, not under the mobile, not for 30 seconds for me to assemble the sling. It was rough. The screaming puts me on edge, and so my temper was short with Gabe. Just as I was clearing the floor and turning on the vacuum, Gabe dumped out his huge basket of balls and his bag of toy trains and I lost it. I screamed at him to STOP DUMPING OUT THE TOYS and apparently got the message through to him, because he turned around and started putting the toys away immediately.

I hate feeling like that kind of mom, the mom that doesn't let her kids play with toys because it makes a mess, and I'm really really really not that kind of mom, but everyone has their limits and I seem to be hitting mine. Gabe's sole purpose in life these days is to make messes. He walks over to his bookcase and dumps every single book out onto the floor in mere minutes. He throws all his balls all over the house. He empties every drawer in his play kitchen onto the floor. He goes into my diaper bag, takes out my wallet and throws my credit cards around the house. He throws trains behind the radiator, down the stairs, tries to flush them down the toilet. He has to be watched like a hawk, every second of the day.

At the same time, he was unbelievably cute today. He sang to me, danced along with music, brought books to Josie and "read" them to her. He ate everything I put in front of him with gusto and told me that my cooking was "yummy yummy". He is adorable, but sometimes I wonder how people do it.

Live life with a baby that screams SO FREAKING MUCH, and a toddler that is sweet and funny but busy busy busy. I found myself asking Josie under my breath to please just shut up for a few minutes, and I feel HORRIBLE about that, but really, I do have my limits. It is so exhausting to spend all day comforting her, bouncing her, holding her, and still have her screaming in my ear.

She laughed today, though. A real little laugh while I was pumping her legs and counting in a high pitched voice. We've heard her give a few "heh heh hehs" when we do something funny, but today sounded like a real miniature laugh. It was delicious. And I do love her to death, I just wish the fussiness would end. Soon.

It didn't help that we were homebound because Josh can't get his car out of the driveway because of all the snow, so he borrowed my car and accidentally took the car seats AND MY STROLLER with him. I had to cancel two plans with friends because we couldn't leave the house, and two snow days, two days in a row are never good for anyone.

Like I said. Highs and lows today. I'm hoping that a few hours of sleep will bring with it some of that patience I'm lacking around here.