Tuesday, March 06, 2007

funkity funk

Lest you think it is all sunshine and roses around here, I can definitely burst your bubble on that one.

After his shots on Wednesday, Gabriel was in a bad, cranky, no good, awful mood for the next 3 days. We couldn't figure out if it was because he was fatigued from the shots, whether his little thighs were achy, or some combination of those plus more, but he was NOT HAPPY.

On Friday night, I woke up with him at 12:30am, 2:30am, 4:30am, 6:30am, 7am, 8am, and then finally 9am for the day. It was a bad, cranky, no good, awful day. On my part that is, Gabe was in a fine mood once he was up for the day. Then on Saturday he blessed us with a 6 hour stretch, his first ever, and I woke up on Sunday morning feeling like a new woman. Oh, the sleep, it is good.

I was so excited that I let myself believe that perhaps we were moving into a new era of 6 hour stretches, so on Sunday night he scoffed at me and was wide awake from 4:30am to 7:30am, also his first time ever. It was exhausting. At least his mood has improved since the days following the shots, and I am incredibly grateful.

His mommy, however, is fighting a case of the funks. I am feeling funky, and a bit down these days. I'm attributing it to a few things, like the weather, the lack of consistent sleep, the fact that none of my clothes fit me, the hormones from breastfeeding, and mostly, from the fact that Josh got back from his first trip away from us. I didn't share the fact that we were alone, for obvious reasons, but Gabriel and I had our first stretch of 4 days on our own last week. It was lonely. Very, very lonely. Especially at night and in the mornings, when I had no choice but to be alone. During the day, I kept our schedule jam packed with outings with friends, but we were on our own at night and I definitely felt it. By the time Josh got back, I realized that I had definitely fallen into a case of the baby blues.

It is mind-boggling how you can have everything you've ever wanted, be happier than you've ever been, and still find yourself feeling sad with no explanation.

Anyway, I'm working to pull myself out of the funk and keeping busy. Gabe and I are traveling to visit my parents soon, and I'm definitely looking forward to that. On Saturday, the three of us took a day trip to Newport, Rhode Island, to enjoy the warmish weather and get some fresh air. It was good for my soul.

So is this, of course. This is always good for the soul.


chatty cricket said...

Say it with me- HORMONES. And also? Colossal life change! I'm not kidding. I think it can be easy to blame the hormones, but it seems like there's a magic window somewhere around 6-9 weeks when the blues pop up. So frustrating because you fool yourself into thinking that you should be on your way to a routine moody-free life, and then ka-blam! Don't forget that you're still recovering and your body is still working to find a balance (and then just when you think you've got it figured out, you get your period! Har! SOMEONE has a big sense of humor)

Josh is a big sweetypants for planning a surprise getaway, and I'm very happy that you had fun. And you can tell Gabe that he shouldn't bother with those massive sleepless stretches because they are bad for everyone (maybe you can tell him that the governor made you tell him that too? What else can we pass off onto the governor?).

ccw said...

chatty cricket is correct. Just because you have an amazing son doesn't mean you can't feel funky. It really will pass and sleep definitely helps.


Ninotchka said...

I'm with Chatty Cricket. HORMONES are a bitch. And sleep deprivation is their pesky little sister. Hang in there, my luv. I know you know it gets better (and worse and then better again).

Se te quiere mucho!

My Wombinations said...

I can't tell you how much better I felt to see that so many of the feelings I am having as a new mom are universal. Hang in there. I am told it gets better!

liz said...

Gah!! I lost my comment!!!

Sleep deprivation is one possible cause of the 8-week baby blues -- maybe see if you can pump enough during the day for Josh to take a night waking or two?

Dehydration and poor nutrition are also suspects: stay hydrated and make sure you eat regularly!!

And lastly, try to get a little time to yourself out of the house. Get a massage or a pedicure or shop for clothes that fit? And don't beat yourself up about sizes, you just had a baby!!

Yankee, Transferred said...

Never having given birth, I cannot speak to the post-partum breast-feeding hormones. But I can speak loudly about being alone with an infant. No matter how much you adore that child, it is exhausting, solo parenting. I CHOSE my solo role and still it wore me out sometimes. It helped me a lot to have a girlfriend over in the evening.
I'm glad you're coming out of it a bit and that pumpkin is no longer shot-cranky.
It's hard work being a mother. Cut yourself some slack, for sure.

Angie said...

Hormones! We know them well. I am so sorry you are a bit blue. Take heart that all Mommy's have those days (weeks).

Please remember that you are NOT healed from your child's birth. You have many months yet to go before things begin to return to normal. The ebb and flow will find it's rythm. Don't put stress on yourself about these passing funks. Funks come. Funks go.

Welcome to the wonderful world of Motherhood. You are doing just fine!

whymommy said...

All I can say is ... I hear you, and I'm with you! My 7 week old has been having all-night nursing stretches, and it is exhausting. Even when he doesn't, I keep expecting him to wake up, so I'm not sleeping anyway!

I am sooo tired, and I know it's affecting my mood. Good luck and hang in there ... and blog when you can -- it's good to hear from you!

amygeekgrl said...

big hugs.

jody has been out of town the past few days too (he gets home tonight - yay!) and i hear ya on how exhausting and lonely single parenting is.

enjoy your visit w/ your parents. :)

lostinthemiddle said...

I wish my chins were so sweet!

Hope you're feeling a bit better.

Sheila said...

Okay, okay, I concede the hormones are overwhelming, but I think women are told too often "oh, it's your hormones" without looking around at the hormones' context--usually significant social isolation that suddenly descends when the baby changes everything you used to be able to do without thinking about it. And isolation has profound effects on your endocrine system, too. New-baby hormones shouldn't be the only ones coursing through your system.

Your sweetie had to leave you alone for four days (that is WAY too long!) with a new baby who is wrecking your sleep. What a cutie! but he is still wrecking your sleep. You were really active in countering the isolation, much better than I could or can ever manage, but inevitably it caught up with you. Pair it with sleep deprivation and you've got a killer, which of course is worse when you're the only one doing overnight duty.

I offer many hugs and I hope Josh can take some of the wakings off your plate. We had a routine where I would do nursing only, and A. would do any other night-time stuff (soothing and diapers). Sometimes I would pump during the day so she could do one entire waking.

And this, too, shall pass.

Ninotchka said...

I couldn't find a way to comment on your latest entry so I just wanted to wish you un buen viaje. I think the visit will do you SOOOO good. Moms are the best cure for, well, everything.