one month as a mother

Dear Gabriel,

You are one month old today, and I need someone to explain to me how my baby could be 4 weeks old already. If feels like you were born yesterday, and I still find myself staring at you and marveling that you lived inside of me. I watch your movements and stretches and recognize the motion as the kicks and rolls I felt in my belly. It still amazes me to imagine that you were the same little being I carried with me for 9 months. Time flies by, and I'm torn between wanting to know you more and wanting time to stand still.


















Your personality comes out more every day, and you are such a sweet calm boy. Every day with you is a pleasure. You still sleep most of the time, but as your awake and alert hours stretch, you are content to sit in our arms or in your bouncy seat and listen to us chatter on to you. I've realized that you know me now, and you calm more quickly and easily when you hear my voice than anyone else's, and that is a wonderful thing. I love being your mother.


















You sleep for longer stretches at night, usually 4 hours but sometimes more. Your nighttime feedings have shortened also, so I feel more rested when we wake up for the day. I'm still getting up during the night, but sitting up feeding you for 20-30 minutes is far easier than the hour+ we were doing before. I can't complain, though, because I still love to sit in the dark with you while you eat. You go right to sleep afterwards, and even though I'm exhausted, I still miss you after I've put you down. It is shocking to me to discover how all consuming my love for you is.













Your daddy and I change too, I've noticed. We are more confident and assured as parents. We change diapers faster, respond to your needs faster, and we decipher your protestations faster. It feels amazing to know that one yell means you are hungry, while another grunt means that you have to poop. It helps that you only complain about those two things. Your dad says that you are clearly all boy.


















A few of your sleepers don't fit you anymore, including the one you wore home from the hospital. Your dad claims that you've grown out of them, but I suspect that the dryer shrunk them, and I won't accept any other explanation. Your one month doctor's appointment is this week, and we're anxious to hear just how much you've grown. Just try not to grow too fast, my little peanut.


















For the past couple of days, I've tried to rock you to sleep and you won't close your eyes. You sit and look up at me, and wait until I put you down to sleep in your bassinet. Once I've wrapped you up and laid you down, you talk to the sides of your bassinet before drifting off to sleep. It makes me just the tiniest bit sad that you have already learned that you don't need your mommy to sleep. I know both of us will be grateful in the future, but I guess I imagined that you would change slower.


















I know I'm biased, but you are the most adorable, beautiful, wonderful, snuggly baby in the whole world. Your father and I are so blessed, and we are so grateful for the wonderful gift you are. It has only been a month, but I cannot imagine my life without you. I cannot imagine ever needing anything more than this.

You are the love of our lives. We cannot wait to explore the world with you.

Love,
Mommy