Monday, July 24, 2006

kicks and dreams

On Saturday night, I had a terrible dream that I'd given birth to this baby, but I couldn't remember anything about it. In the dream, I'd accepted painkillers for the labor and for some reason, these painkillers wiped my memory clean of the birth or any of the aftermath. I was at home, it was 24 hours later, the baby was still at the hospital, and everyone refused to take me to go see her. In the midst of my begging to see my baby, Josh told me that he'd named her himself and already signed the birth certificate. I remember crying because he'd named her Sophia, and while I thought it was a perfectly lovely name, it wasn't what I had chosen for a girl!

But the worst was this horrific feeling in my stomach, because I needed to see my baby. I wanted to try to breastfeed, I wanted to hold her, and no one seemed to be taking me seriously. It was awful. I woke up Sunday morning, and spent most of the morning with a stomachache, because it felt so real.

We went out to breakfast to have some bagel sandwiches, and as I sat down to eat, I felt it, clear as day.

Kick... kick... kick...

Truthfully, it was more like a tap... tap... tap... but it wasn't gas, it wasn't ligaments, it wasn't anything except this baby kicking away. I felt it a couple more times that day, usually only once or twice, and today I've felt intermittent moments of pressure with a slight tap. I'm assuming that is the baby rolling or swimming, or whatever it does in there. It is lovely, and I'm anxious for it to move more. During a lunch meeting this afternoon, I found myself zoning out and focusing on my abdomen in the hopes that I might feel more of those sweet movements. I can hardly believe that it is only going to get stronger from here on out.

Up until now, I've been telling people that time is flying by, and that I am in no hurry for December to get here. The list of items to purchase and rooms to organize is overwhelming, and although I know that our lives will change this winter, I need more time to actually believe it. On Sunday morning, though, I realized that at the same time, I cannot wait for this baby to get here. I cannot wait to hold him or her in my arms!

I'm searching for a balance now, between trying to enjoy every moment of this pregnancy, and looking anxiously and happily toward the future. The truth is that time IS flying by, and I can hardly believe that August is right around the corner. We are taking a babymoon next month, and once we get back, the real job of preparing for this little one will start. I can't wait!

13 comments:

Chatty Cricket said...

Hurrah! Just wait until you can sit in a lunch meeting and WATCH your belly move!

I've also been having weird pregnancy dreams, including one dream that I was pregnant but we already had two kids. Lady, and a little boy. And the strange part about it is that the little boy was maybe 1 1/2 or two years old and I didn't remember having him, not being pregnant with him, nothing!!

amygeekgrl said...

i actually had a really nice pg dream the other night. i somehow made it to 6 cm w/o even knowing i was in labor. aaaah. :) i'm hoping this one comes true! ;)
congrats on the baby kicks. there's nothing else like 'em.

donna said...

OK, that is weird! I had a horrible baby dream on Saturday night too! And I got a comment that someone else did as well. Too weird. Well, at least it's just a dream.

Ninotchka said...

OMG somos gemelas por seguro! I had a dream almost exactly like that when I was pregnant with Natalie. I dreamt I had slept through her labor and delivery. I woke up at home to find that Guy and his sisters and Mom had named the baby and were feeding her formula (I was very committed to breastfeeding) and looking at me as though I was totally irrational for FREAKING THE FROG OUT. I kept saying "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE WAKE ME UP?" and "GIVE ME MY BABY!"

It was scary and upsetting. :( But also obviously ridiculous. As if that could ever happen!

In any regard, I'm sorry you had to experience that, amiguita.

Re: the movement. FABULOSO. Isn't it just the neatest thing? It'll just keep getting better too, you'll see!

Fuerte abrazo,

Nino

Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

I hardly ever remember my dreams... unless I am pregnant. I have the WEIRDEST, most memorable pregnancy dreams. It's one of my strongest pregnancy symptoms (along with--unfortunately--the acne).

So excited that you felt the baby kicking!

KLee said...

Sorry the dream got you all wond up! I know how scary that could seem.

Isn't feeling the baby move a hoot? Just wait until you can push on one side of your tummy, and see a little foot poke out of the other side! It's like "Alien", but only in a good way!

Sol said...

Oh, dear... I am sorry you were so upset about that dream...sounds awful, but what a way to make it up feeling the first kicks it´s such a thrill.

I can´t wait to see pictures of your growing belly.

Abrazos y cariƱos para los tres.

Shelly said...

We did a babymoon in June when I was 6.5 months pg - best holiday ever!!! I hope you enjoy yours as much.

Phantom Scribbler said...

I'm with KLee -- just wait until your belly moves visibly when the baby moves. Nothing livens up a dull meeting like an elbow popping up from somebody's tummy.

So when do I get to see your cute baby belly? Huh? Huh???

ccw said...

Pregnancy can cause some of the strangest dreams and they seem to be so vivid.

So happy to hear about your kicks! I think the movement is the best part of pregnancy.

Yankee T said...

movin' and shakin'! Excellent fun, I'm sure!

KathyR said...

Hooray for little feet & elbows & knees!

liz said...

Hooray for kicks and boo to distressing dreams.