Monday, June 26, 2006

wishing things were different



This weekend one of my dearest friends had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. We work together, play together, spend countless hours together, and had often joked that our babies would turn their heads to each others voices, more so than our own husbands.

It is impossible for me to put into words how excited we were to have babies so close in age, to be on maternity leave together, to take day trips and support each other. And my heart breaks that this has happened, especially at a time when she was trusting more and getting more excited at the prospect of having a baby.

If you have positive thoughts and prayers to share, please do. There is so little I can do to help her, except be sad along with her, and wish from the bottom of my heart that things were different.

23 comments:

mamatulip said...

I'm so sorry for your friend, and for you, too.

jo(e) said...

I've been on both sides of this. I had a miscarriage at thirteen weeks -- just when I thought I was in the safe trimester. And when I was pregnant with Boy in Black, one of my closest friends was pregnant -- and miscarried.

I'm sorry to say that I have no words of wisdom. All you can do is grieve together.

Girl said...

My sister had a still birth at 22 weeks. There are no words to help; there are no things to say. When your friend is ready, her eyes will open to see the many, too many, women who will walk with her through the journey on this side of innocence.

I am so sorry.

ccw said...

I am so sorry for you and your friend.

All you can do is be there for her when she needs a friend.

Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

I am so sorry for your friend, and for you.

Ninotchka said...

Conchale, que pena!

Please know she will be in thoughts and prayers. And you too!

xxoo

Maribeth said...

I was pregnanat three times and had two live births. The miscarriage came in between the two. And it was heartbreaking.
I'm sorry for your friend. No there are no words right now. Hang in there.

KLee said...

Oh, sweetie! I'm so sorry! Both for your friend and for you! I know that there are no words to make it better, and there's very little you can do for her except grieve with her, and be her friend.

I will pray for her. And for you.

Pink Cupcake said...

I'm so very sorry for both your friend and you. Thinking of you both.

amygeekgrl said...

i'm so sorry for your friend's loss. that has to be very difficult for the both of you.
lots of hugs.

Phantom Scribbler said...

I'm so sorry. It hurts like almost nothing else. Hugs to her, and to you!

nancy said...

I am sad for both of you, hugs and prayers.

graceful said...

I had a m/c at 12 weeks. Just by being there and holding her hand is the best. There are no words for her loss. Your support and love is all she needs.

liz said...

I'm so sorry.

Jill said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's miscarriage. How heartbreaking.

Based on my experience with ways that friends helped me through my miscarriages, I think that the best thing you can do is to just stay in close touch with her and be there to listen, let her know you care, grieve with her, and ask her what she needs. Maybe it would mean a lot to her if you cooked a meal and brought it to her. Sending a sympathy card is always a good idea, and sending flowers can be a nice touch, too. For me, it was helpful whenever people acknowledged the miscarriage for what it was: a death (of a tiny unborn life and of hopes and dreams).

Unfortunately, the fact that you are pregnant and starting to show might be painful to your friend right now, so keep that in mind.

You are a kind, caring, sensitive person, and I have no doubt that you will be able to be of comfort to her in her loss.

jen said...

I am so sorry for your freind's loss.

You're both in my thoughts.

Gawdessness said...

I wish things were different too.
I really do.

Piece of Work said...

I'm so sorry,HL. THat is terrible on so many levels. Give your friend a hug from me.

Uccellina said...

I'm so sorry.

Chris said...

i am so sorry for your friend's loss

OneTiredEma said...

I'm sorry for both of you.

Sadly, there really is nothing to make it better. Just supply hugs if necessary...

Limon de Campo said...

Oh, that's awful. I'm so sorry for your friend.

Joke said...

Ouch.

Thoughts and prayers? Done.

-J.