I could not ask for more

And then there were three.




Gabriel Scott arrived on December 28th, 2006 at 1:15pm!

7 pounds, 3 ounces, 19.5 inches long and the sweetest boy I've ever met.




I'm so in love, I'm speechless.

merry christmas... no winners yet

I wish I could tell you that I'm holding out on you, but not quite yet! Baby is still contentedly hanging around inside, although the contractions pick up and fade away regularly. We were up all night last night with contractions that were just reaching the peak of real pain and came at 4-5 minutes for a few hours. This morning, though, I went for a 2 hour walk to see if the exercise would push them to get stronger, but when we stopped walking, they faded away.

The real problem, I suspect, is that I'm still feeling great and still happy to have baby stick around for a while longer. Josh, on the other hand, is going a little bit stir crazy. He is dying to meet his baby, and he walks around mumbling that I'm clearly keeping the baby inside just to spite him. Last night was the first night that my sleep was interrupted for the majority of the night, but I still got a few hours of sleep and then took a 2 hour nap this afternoon, so I'm not suffering.

Last night we went to a Christmas Eve party, and I think no one could quite believe that I was still walking around contentedly, enjoying the food and festivities. I'm definitely big, don't get me wrong. I regularly wonder how this child is going to actually EXIT my body, because my belly seems to be taking over my whole body. You're sure it fits, right?

Anyway, to appease Josh, we've taken some preliminary action to let baby know that this process needs to be speeded along. I'll let you know if it works.


















In the meantime, I'll continue to enjoy the final perks of pregnancy. This, and the back rubs. Wish me luck! Oh, and a baby!

let the guessing games begin

One week down and only half a centimeter gained! The head has moved further into position, and is so far down that I'm starting to understand why women end up walking funny at the end of pregnancy. I'm adamantly opposed to waddling, so I do everything in my power to avoid it, but it is getting increasingly more difficult!

I also have high blood pressure again, even higher than last time, and this time it was positively attributed to work stress. The end result is that I'm out of work and onto maternity leave for good. That doesn't mean that I didn't still come home and work from here because there was too much to do, but it does mean that I'm going to have to cut off the work flow. I can't risk anything happening to this baby, and I certainly don't want to be forced into an induction just because of stress. Relaxing, relaxing, relaxing is in my future.

It looks like this baby might stay inside for my mom's arrival from California on Wednesday, something that makes us all very happy! This baby might also stay inside for the termination of our kitchen remodel. That seems unbelievable, but possible! The countertops were installed on Saturday, and the plumber is supposed to come tomorrow. Once the sink, dishwasher and refrigerator are connected, we have some final simple electrical work and we'll be ready to start moving our stuff back in!

But onto more important things- we need some guesses on when this baby might make his or her entrance into our lives! The person that comes the closest will receive some super secret fabulous prize from me, as yet to be determined, and date to be some time after I recuperate from having the baby and regain my sanity. Before the baby turns one, at least ; )

Soooooo.... in your guess, include the following:
Sex
Date
Time
Weight
Length (if you want)

Remember, the psychic says tomorrow and a boy. The doctor says 1 cm but in position, no idea on the sex. She thinks this is a "good sized baby." I say, THIS BABY IS HUGE! It has to come out soon! I have to admit that I still feel great, so I'm not sure this baby is coming in the next couple of days, but I could be subconsciously keeping this baby inside until my mom arrives (Wednesday morning).

Oh, and this is what 39 weeks pregnant looks like in these parts.






Quick! Quick! Avert your eyes!











Guesses?

no baby yet!

I need more advice, if you have a minute.

First question:
I found these really spectacular baby announcements and combination holiday cards. I'm in love with them. I talked to the invite store and they said that once I have the relevant information about baby, and I can upload a picture, they can print the invitations in 2 days and send them to me in another 1-2 days. In the meantime, they can send me all of the envelopes to address. That way, once I receive the announcements all we have to do is stuff envelopes. And by "we", I mean someone else will be stuffing envelopes.

My concern, however, is that the baby could get here late enough to make holiday cards a mute point. If the baby arrives at the absolute latest time possible, namely January 8th, and it takes me another week to mail out the announcements, is that too late to send out cards that say "Happy Holidays"? What if I change it to "Happy Everything"?

Trust me, the announcements are cute enough to make me want to use them even if I'm a little late for a holiday card. Is it in bad taste to send them out so late, though? If the doctor is right at the baby is born right before or right around Christmas I'm not worried, but my concern is if the baby comes too late then I don't want us to look silly.

Second question:
Did anyone use lotion after their baby was born? Should I worry about using cocoa butter around the baby? I've been using it during pregnancy with no problem, but someone mentioned not to use any nut-type products around the baby in case of allergy. Isn't cocoa a nut? Am I pretty safe? I'm just thinking that if I'm breastfeeding the baby would be pressed against my abdomen, and I definitely use lotion on my stomach.

Third question:
Any tips for relaxing things Josh and I should do before baby arrives? What did all of you do to relax in this exciting time? Movies? Dinner? Visiting friends? Playing music and dancing? Non-PG activities? What?

Fourth question:
Isn't this baby supposed to be running out of room by now? I didn't think it would still be flinging his or her weight around inside my already stretched skin, but a few times a day I'm fairly uncomfortable as my organs get squashed and battered with the kickboxing routine. I literally cannot believe how big my belly is getting!

Advice please?

better than nothing

I wish I could tell you that I had a baby to report, but no such luck!

Our appointment yesterday brought the announcement of a head totally engaged, cervix effaced, and half a centimeter of dilation. I'm ecstatic to have any progress at all, because my worst nightmare was that we'd walk in there and she would say that I'd made no progress whatsoever. Over the weekend I had several nights of contractions, some of them enough to wake me up and keep me up for an hour or so, and then slowly fade away. Friday night they came often and steady enough for us to time them (at 5-6 minutes apart), but by midnight they were gone again. I'm still feeling pretty good, and I'm definitely okay with the baby not coming yet, but I wasn't okay with all those painful contractions doing nothing at all. So any news is good news, I say!

The unfortunate news was that yesterday's appointment also brought with it news of highish blood pressure. Definitely high for me, who errs on the side of super low blood pressure. So starting today I'm supposed to work from home in the hopes that it is just the stress of being in the office and running around like crazy that is making my blood pressure high. Today I wrapped everything up at the office that cannot be brought to my house, and tomorrow I'll be working hard, I'm sure, but at least it'll be from my couch.

On the too much information front, last night and today I've had some bleeding, sort of like a light period, and I'm not sure what to make of it. Is this the bloody show that people talk about? The mucus plug? I called this morning and my doctor said that it is nothing to worry about, especially since the baby has been moving around. I'm also having consistent cramps, much like menstrual cramps, and these feel slightly different from what I've been feeling the last few days.
My mom doesn't arrive until next Wednesday, and my inlaws don't arrive until Monday, so everyone is telling this baby not to make his or her appearance until next week. I think that whenever this baby is fully cooked, he or she is welcome to come. Just make it short, sweet and painless. And healthy. Very very healthy. Those are my requests to my baby.

Last night I also stopped in for a "pregnancy tea" at our neighborhood maternity store. It was a room full of pregnant women, sitting around chatting and enjoying tea and some light yoga. The woman leading the tea had us create a small memento for the baby, a little nest that we built out of twigs and string to symbolize the nest we were building for our babies in our lives. I found some parts of it rather cheesy, but the sitting around listening to other women talk about how their lives are changing or how they feel was nice. The pregnancies ranged from 16 weeks to mine at 38 weeks, and I thought back to how I felt at the very start of this pregnancy and marveled that I am so close to the end of this journey.

I can't wait to meet this baby, but I can already tell that I will desperately miss this closeness. I love the kicks and rolls and punches. I love the surprising little twinges from inside. I know I'll love everything that is to come, but I can't help but cherish these last few days, even with the discomforts of late pregnancy.

I will definitely keep you updated if we go to the hospital or if anything changes. For now, Josh is done with finals and he is working his way through the "honey do" list that I put together for him. Maybe we'll be lucky enough to get a few days of relaxing together time before this babe makes his or her appearance!

I'd better at least be dilated on monday

15 hours of steady contractions
+
nausea
+
upset stomach
+
pains that wrapped around my back
=

Not a baby, that's for damn sure.


At work yesterday, I had all of the above, and by the time I finally finished up at 10pm or so and headed home, I was actually starting to wonder whether this might be IT. I didn't want to think so, but the contractions were steady and coming every 5-10 minutes or so. I was rather confused by them, though, because they weren't what I'd imagined. On the one hand, some of them felt like menstrual cramps, but some of them felt like terrible indigestion. Kind of a full stomach cramping sensation that started in the back and then moved to the front. Some of them were enough to make me stop and clench the back of my chair while I waited for them to pass. At 8:30pm I even called Josh and told him to go out and purchase a birthing ball STAT, and frankly I didn't care that he was in the middle of finals.

The good news is that he finished last night, so my request for a birthing ball didn't interfere with the future livelihood of our family.

But after I arrived at home, took a long hot shower, drank some gatorade, used the heating pad and bounced on the birthing ball for a while, they spread out and I eventually fell asleep despite whatever I was feeling. I slept hard for 7+ hours and woke up feeling much better. Since I woke up I've had a few sporadic contractions, but nothing like yesterday. I told baby that our kitchen is scheduled to be completed around December 18th, so if he or she could hold out until then, that would be FANTASTIC.

I did realize something important last night, though. When the contractions started in the morning, if you'd asked me whether I wanted the baby to come, my response would have been that I am N.O.T. R.E.A.D.Y. Nope, nil, no way. As the day progressed, however, my feelings just changed. Nothing I could put my finger on, but I developed this sort of calmness and I realized that I was. I was okay. I will be okay. When this baby comes, I will be nothing but ecstatic at the opportunity to be his or her mother. I cannot wait to meet my baby.

Even if the kitchen is in shambles, even if I'm living out of my dining room, even if I don't have a sink. Even if the laundry isn't done, the car seats aren't installed and the house is filthy. We will all be okay. In fact, I'd venture to say that we'll be better than okay.

Is this what you meant in all your supportive comments? I guess I should have believed you then, huh?

humor me, please

It has been a poopy couple of days. Nothing big, and nothing even worth complaining about, but that hasn't stopped me before, right?

The traffic and crowds are getting to me a little bit this holiday season. It has never bothered me in the past, but I think that being big and hot and very pregnant is making me sensitive to the crowdedness of stores. I had to put books down and walk away from the line at the bookstore because after a few minutes of waiting, I simply couldn't take it anymore.

It didn't help, therefore, when Best Buy told me that they had a certain item in stock, in fact the salesperson said he had it IN HIS HANDS, that when I arrived at the store a couple of hours later they had no idea what I was talking about. The system showed my item as being in stock, but no one could find it, and no one seemed very invested in looking for it either.

Then the same thing happened to me at my local baby store. I called in advance to ask whether they had infant car seats in stock, they said yes, but when I showed up they were all sold or on hold (story to be continued below). And this was 15 minutes later!

Then, if you can believe it, the SAME THING happened to me at my local maternity store this morning. I asked for a birthing ball to be sent over to the store for me, they called to let me know that they had it in stock, but when I arrived there this morning they had no record of my order, or my hold, or the call they'd made. None of their stores or their warehouse had the birthing ball in stock, so they placed a purchase order. Clearly, that doesn't help me at the moment, though.

My patience these days is rather thin, and general incompetency at stores combined with the sheer quantity of people is making it worse.

This morning's appointment also brought with it disappointing news, which was that I tested positive for Group B Strep, an apparently common bacteria. My doctor assures me that it is not a big deal and nothing at all to worry about, but it means that I have to have an iv and antibiotics for labor, and that if my water breaks before I go into labor, I have to head straight to the hospital. She also said if my water breaks and I don't go into labor asap, they'll also have to induce me.

I thought that I'd prepared myself well for variations from my ideal birth, and I've been telling myself that you can't be married to any one plan, so I was surprised at how upset I was at her news. I hated the iv that I had in the hospital after my fall, and the thought of having to have an iv inserted right away upsets me far more than I'd like to admit. I'm worried that this is going to make it difficult for me to walk during labor, or to get in the birthing tub or shower at the hospital. Even though very few women have their water break before they are in active labor, it was also stressful to hear that if that happens to me and they don't consider me to be in active labor, the hospital would force me to start on pitocin. Sigh. As I said, it isn't anything major, but I have a feeling that hormones and general tiredness are adding up to make for a grumpy Halloweenlover. I think the doctor could see in my face that I was not happy with the news, and she assured me that the iv can be capped off and that I am free to do whatever I want once I am at the hospital. At least that is a relief.

In positive news, though, from last week to this week, the baby's head was a bit lower, and I seem to have "dropped" some. My cervix is also thinning and effacing, and the doc again gave her vote that she doesn't think I'll go later than my due date. Just before or right on time, but not late. I don't know if I believe her, since I'm convinced that we're looking at a New Year's baby, but we'll all have to see, I suppose.

In car seat news, we'd been given a couple of infant car seats from my sister-in-law and neighbor, so we never registered for one or purchased one. I assumed that car seats that were 3 or so years old and hadn't been in an accident were safe for this baby. Imagine my surprise when I spoke to the mandatory car seat inspector this morning and he told me that he wouldn't install a used car seat at all! And that he thinks 3 years is too old! So this morning saw me scrambling for over an hour, calling store after store after store to find a car seat in stock and available for Saturday, when our inspection is scheduled. Did you know that in Massachusetts you can't go home without an inspected and installed car seat? Craziness.

This is all a long-winded way of telling you that when I opened up this blog post, I burst into my tears at Bethiclaus' kindness and generosity. I mean, look at this blanket! Look at the detail! The edging! And the slit for the seatbelt! Did you see the matching hats? I can hardly stand the cuteness. It will even match the car seat that I had to drive all over town to purchase!

Sometimes I cannot believe how wonderful the blogging community is. I can't believe that we can be so invested in each other without ever having met in real life. I'm amazed that someone I've only emailed with, could take the time to knit me a beautiful blanket and hats. I'm stunned that someone could share their talent, just to give me a lovely gift for my baby. I'm grateful for this blog and everyone I've met in so many ways, this is one of the sweetest examples.

Thank you Bethiclaus for such a spectacular gift! I can't wait to wrap my baby in it!

december 1st

I think on some level I never believed December would arrive. Here we are, though, and although people in my neighborhood don't decorate much for Christmas, there are a few homes with lights ablaze and wreaths on doors. The Christmas season is finally here, and with it comes our baby. The carols have taken on a whole new meaning to me also. I think I'll never look at the holidays the same way again.

I even told Josh that I'm making a playlist of Christmas carols to play in the labor and delivery room because holiday songs always put me in a good mood. He thinks it a little odd that I'll be delivering his Jewish baby to Christmas carols, but I say, "hey, whatever works!"

Today, I pulled the milk out of the fridge for cereal and realized that the milk doesn't expire until January 5th. I will, most likely, have a CHILD, by the time the milk goes bad. The milk! I'm a little bit stunned.

I also received my "hooter hiders" in the mail. Josh and I think that the name is almost the best part. I can't wait to refer to it in public as a hooter hider, I'm hoping someone on the plane will ask me.

I also have to give a quick recommendation if any of you know someone that is having a baby and need an easy cute gift. I went to the Reagan Bridgeen website the other day to look at their baby books, and they are having a sale on baby organizers. At first I was skeptical, but I ordered the organizer the other day and received it last night. It is a very cute binder with separate tabs for keeping information about immunizations or passports or social security numbers or childcare providers or things like that. The tabs are really clear and each section has multiple pockets to store paper if you don't have time to hole punch it. The organizers are on sale for $12 off of the original $40-something! And they are quite large, the size of a regular binder and really really quite cute. After receiving mine last night, I ordered 4 more to give as gifts! They look like they cost far more than $12! I also found a code for 10% off (SAVE10), so that brought it down to $10. I'm always at a loss for baby gifts, so I figured I'd share. I should tell them that I'm advertising for them, I deserve free gifts!

Happy December everyone! I can't decide if I want the time to pass quickly or slowly, so I'll just hope that it is a wonderful holiday season for all!

holiday observations

1. Right before Josh and I met, I got E. Coli from a turkey that had been left out all night by a hostess that then served it to her guests. Apparently, several people thought it tasted "funny" but didn't mention it out loud, so I ended up being the one that consumed the most at the party. I spent the next 5 days slumped on the bathroom floor begging my grandmother not to call an ambulance, slipping in and out of delirium due to the crazy high fever and vomiting. I lost 11 pounds in 4 days. So perhaps Josh should lend me some credence when I ask him to ask his mother not to leave the turkey out all night on the front porch instead of in the refrigerator? Perhaps his response shouldn't just be "well, it's colder outside than it is in the fridge."

2. I am apparently also overreacting about eating undercooked stuffing that was baked inside of the undercooked turkey that was left outside all night long.

3. Black Friday at the outlets is not bad at all, at least not at the outlets in the Berkshires. We were able to run in and out of stores with no problems at all, short lines, no waiting. The only exception was the Gap Outlet, but the line still moved expeditiously. And I was able to find a diaper bag on super duper 50% off clearance at Coach! I'm not 110% sure that this is the one for me, but I do think it is pretty cute.

4. Last night after work, Josh and I went out for roasted artichokes and dessert at the Cheesecake Factory. Sitting at our table, with not a care in the world, discussing everything from his final classes, to the stroller that we are coveting, felt like a delicious indulgence. Josh would reach over every so often to feel the baby's kicks and hiccups, as we munched away on carrot cake (my new craving) and cheesecake for him. This is what you meant by plan some dates together now while we still have time, huh?

5. I don't want to jinx myself, but I think that you aren't supposed to feel this good at 36 and a half weeks, are you? I sleep through the night like the dead, rarely getting up to pee. The acid reflux has dwindled to a bare minimum, and except for the dull ache in my pelvic bone and the occasional kicks to internal organs, I feel fantastic. Tons of energy, and no problems moving around. I spent an hour outside on Sunday afternoon planting tulips that we'd purchased in Amsterdam that I'd forgotten about until then. You're sure that I'll want this pregnancy to be over at some point, right? The only thing that keeps me from wanting to be pregnant forever, is that I'm tired of being weighed and tired of STILL GAINING WEIGHT. I thought it was supposed to stop in the last month, but maybe the carrot cake is doing me in.

6. I am, however, tired of the kitchen remodel. Everything needs to just be done ALREADY. The only benefit to my lack of patience has been the ease with which I make decisions these days. Normally, I'd spend an hour and 4 trips to the store pondering the different types of cabinet hardware there are, but these days I walk in and out. I picked a sink in 20 minutes, a faucet in 5. Lights? One look through a catalog and I was done. Cabinet hardware on sale? Perfect. Now, if only everything could be that easy. I'll fail to mention that picking a play pen/pack and play for this baby took me 3 hours.

7. Ninotchka asked in the last post whether I'm still working, and I am. The plan is to keep working until I give birth, unless something happens to change things. My doctor has threatened a couple of times that working until 9pm every night is allegedly "not ok", but we'll just have to see what happens.

8. I hope all of your Thanksgivings were great!

you can do this, girl

I'm rather weepy these days over the impending birth of this child, and KLee's above comment to my last post was enough to send me into full-on tears and sniffles, as were so many of your comments. I always anticipated that after I got pregnant I'd have a moment of the "what have I done?" feeling, but I never did. Since I found out I was pregnant, I've only worried about something happening to the baby, but I haven't doubted how much I wanted this baby. Even now, I have moments of tremendous anxiety over what kind of mother I'll be, but I don't doubt for one second how very badly I want this baby and how incredibly grateful I am to have made it this far with a healthy pregnancy.

I worry mostly about how I will take care of this child, whether I'll do a good job, and when I'll feel ready, if ever. All of your comments and support have definitely made me feel better. I guess I have to let go of the wanting to feel ready part of myself. I'll do what I can, but as Josh keeps telling me, in the end it doesn't matter if the kitchen remodel is completed, or if the baskets in the living room are arranged perfectly. The baby won't know whether the closets have been organized and cleaned, and whether the bins in the attic are in their proper place. Maybe this is the nesting instinct everyone keeps talking about?

Yesterday I hit 36 weeks, and had another appointment with the doctor. I mentioned to her that over the Thanksgiving break I'd been having moments of increasing pelvic pressure. I kept waking up with the same side of my pelvic bone aching and feeling numb. She was surprised to find that the baby's head is low and engaged already, so that explains all the pressure I've been feeling! No dilation whatsoever, though. But the doctor projected that we were looking at a baby that might show up before my due date, although still far into December. Maybe the psychic will be right? We could end up with a December 19th baby, I suppose. Oh, and a projection of a little over 6 pounds as of yesterday.

In the meantime, Josh is finishing up his last week of finals and I'm using my free time to rest and clean, rest and clean. I take turns doing a little bit of each. Once Josh is done with finals, though, I am planning lots of dinner dates and movie nights and outings for the two of us. My mom arrives on December 20th, and hopefully the baby will arrive soon after, and I'm positive that for a long while after that we won't have much romantic or cuddly time together. I'm hopeful, but realistic.

I'm also getting our car seat installed this weekend, and packing my hospital bag. JUST IN CASE. I'm still in denial that this baby is coming anytime soon, but I might as well prepare while I can still move around comfortably. Josh keeps telling me that if the baby pushes my belly button out any more, we might be looking at a fully cooked turkey.

35 weeks = I'm scared

I have a confession to make.

I'm scared.

Sunday night, Josh and I were lying in bed and chatting and I must have gotten a funny look on my face, because he leaned over and said in earnest, "What's wrong?" And I promptly burst into tears. I couldn't even put my finger on what I was crying about, but once I'd started, I couldn't stop. Josh immediately flung his arms around me and started offering up different reasons why I might be crying. Was I scared about having a baby? Was I worried about what kind of mom I'd be? Was I overwhelmed because the house is a disaster? Was I stressed because we are still in the midst of a kitchen remodel with no end in sight? (Yeah, did I forget to mention that? My next blogging topic will have to be the third trimester gutting and remodeling of the kitchen.) All I could do was nod to all of his questions, because the truth is that all of those things and more are making me feel overwhelmed.

I keep thinking that as the weeks pass I will feel more ready to have this baby. Maybe I'll feel more ready to be a mother. But I don't. I feel more excited to meet the baby, but I never feel ready. I never think of myself as a mother, even though I already adore this little wriggling thing in my belly. Last night I noticed that if I sing to my belly the baby will move all around, so I sat and sang holiday carols to it for half an hour until it was time for bed. The thought of anything harming this baby takes my breath away, and I picture meeting him or her for the first time and bringing him or her home and I want to cry.

At the same time, though, I try to picture the baby as my child, and the image seems just out of my grasp. Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me? Why can't I seem to fathom that this is my child, forever and ever, amen? I try to think about sleepless nights and long days, and breastfeeding and changing diapers and everything else, and it seems surreal that we'll do this. And do it soon. Very, very soon.

Now I have the outfits and the wipes and the diapers and the butt paste and the breast pads and the blankets, and now what? I have plenty of tasks to do, but what about when all of that is done? What then? When will I feel ready? When will I feel like a mom?

surprise on a sunday!

Yesterday Josh and I went over to one of his classmates' houses for brunch. As we climbed the stairs to their apartment, Josh and our friend hung back for a second and I pushed open the door to a chorus of very loud screams of "SURPRISE!!!"

I stood to the side for a moment in stunned disbelief before asking, "Surprise for what?" Apparently, for our baby! A surprise shower! That Josh knew about and kept a secret for over a month! With tons of people from his class, and food, and cake, and bloody marys and mimosas (not for me) and gifts! So many gifts! I was shocked, and flattered, and frankly, very overwhelmed by the whole thing. All these people gathered to celebrate this baby and this exciting time. It was almost too much!

We had a fantastic time, and since we had lots of guys along with the girls, there was no talk of labor or delivery or measuring of my belly or anything like that. There were a number of inappropriately sexual jokes, and much talk of movies and travel. It was great fun, and I felt very loved and spoiled.

This baby made out like a bandit again, with soft blankies, adorable outfits, toys, bath items, buntings, and onesies. You'll be happy to know that my "layette" is in much better shape than the last time we discussed. I now have more than 1 wash cloth, in fact, I have 13. I also have a few sleep 'n' plays, and several onesies, and not too many socks, and 3 blankets, and a few hats. Now I'm just trying to figure out whether to keep all of the newborn sized sleep 'n' plays that we got or exchange them for a size bigger. My gut feeling is that this baby is going to be a little bit bigger than average, but this feeling is based on nothing close to proof. Just the insane movements he or she undertakes at regular intervals throughout the day.

During the surprise shower, baby even put on a show for everyone. I mentioned to the friend next to me that he or she was moving, and she exclaimed rather loudly, "Oh my God, I see it!" and when everyone turned to look, baby proceeded to roll and kick so prominently that you could see the tumbling clearly through my sweater. Aren't babies not supposed to have any more room at 35 weeks? This one seems quite comfy.

Once again, my friends, I am so very lucky.

love is smuggling cookies into the hospital

There were few lovely parts of being in the hospital, except for the overwhelming relief that I felt when this baby started moving again in the waiting room. The other lovely part was the way Josh acted over those 24+ hours that we were there. The tenderness with which he took care of me, his concern about my hunger and my tiredness and my comfort were incredibly endearing.

Of course I know that he loves me, but it was something else to see this man helping me out of bed, maneuvering my iv pole and monitor chords, adjusting my gown and assisting me in the bathroom. True love must be someone gently holding your iv tube out of the way so that you can wipe. And helping you up and down off of the toilet when it hurts to sit. Love is when you are lying in bed close to tears because you're so tired and hungry and frustrated, and he tells you that you are so beautiful he can hardly stand it. Or when he refuses to leave the hospital to get books and his computer, because he can't stand the thought of someone coming to do a procedure on you and that you would be alone. Love is being able to hand him my underwear 5 different times when people came to check my cervix, and he doesn't even bat an eyelash.

After all of this, and the bloating and the big belly, and the chubby thighs and butt, and the complaints and the grumpiness, he still tells me that I am the sexiest woman ever. He still showers me with compliments. He still wants to listen to me discuss all baby, all the time.

I am so very lucky. And so is this baby.

houston, we have a problem

Baby-to-be and I are taking our first trip in the Spring to visit my parents in California. Since baby-to-be will be only 2 and a half to 3 months old around that time, we'll likely be breastfeeding on that fairly long flight.

Today on MC's blog, I read this story about a woman being kicked off of a flight for breastfeeding and not covering herself up with a blanket.

Guess which airline we are flying on for our first trip?

The story states that the woman was sitting in the next to last row of the airplane when she was asked to cover up her breastfeeding. Baby and I will be sitting in the second row of first class (thanks to Josh's miles saved up from consulting). We figured that first class would give me the extra room to feel more comfortable juggling a nursing infant and the two dogs that I'll be taking as my carry-on. Umm, but now I'm wondering if a seat that far up front is just going to cause more problems for us.

Needless to say, I'm concerned. How can an airline do this? What do they propose I do with my infant if I can't breastfeed? What if I haven't gotten the hang of breastfeeding under a blanket? What if baby just won't breastfeed under a blanket? What if I can't pump? Why should I even have to worry about pumping if I don't feel like it? I'm planning on buying one of these, but I'm still horrified by this whole scenario.

I can't switch airlines because the tickets are bought and paid for and the trip has been arranged and rearranged. I am panicked, however.

no babies today, but soon!

When we were in triage this weekend, a couple was on the other side of the curtain getting checked out as well. At a certain point, the attending came by and told them that they were definitely in labor, at 3 cm dilated. The excitement was palpable. The husband was almost breathless as he asked again, "We're having our baby?" Josh and I kept smiling at each other as we listened to them exclaim to each other that they were really having their baby!

In the end, they decided to leave for dinner at the Cheesecake Factor before checking into the hospital since her contractions were still quite manageable. We were chuckling at the image of them standing in the lobby for the often interminable waits at the Cheesecake Factory. The doctor suggested to them that they should bring their monitor strip showing her contractions, so that the hostesses would understand that they were short on time.

After they left, Josh and I remained silent for a while thinking about them. I couldn't help but feel happy for them as they left to enjoy their last meal as a family of 2. Although I was hoping in that moment not to have my baby, I also realized how very much I am looking forward to the moment when I am in that same position. I never knew that you could love someone you've never met this much. I never knew that a 20 minute drive where you worry that he or she isn't okay could feel like your heart is tearing in half.

So I guess I really am having a baby. Someone is really going to live here. That is almost unbelievable.

no babies today

Things are better today, so perhaps your good thoughts and prayers are helping! I was released from the hospital late last night after a less-than-stellar stay at the hospital.

The fall was rather unremarkable- I literally tripped over my own feet in the parking lot falling on one knee and landing on my side, after trying to break my fall with my hand. It was hard enough that I knew I'd need to head into the hospital, but nothing close to my fall down the stairs so I didn't completely freak out. After a few minutes, though, I realized that the baby wasn't moving at all, and my hands were shaking as I dialed the emergency number for my ob/gyn. The baby refused to move for the whole drive to the hospital, and I was in tears by the time we pulled up in front of the hospital and checked in at the desk.

We were pulled straight into triage and set up on the monitor, and at that point our little troublemaker decided to give me some reassuring kicks. I started to relax, up until the contractions started. I've had braxton hicks contractions for the last month or two, but these were different. The contractions felt like mild menstrual cramps, with the monitor showing that the contractions were coming every 2-4 minutes apart, although I felt them less regularly than that.

We stayed in triage for a couple of hours, waiting to see if the contractions stopped or slowed down, but were transferred to our own room for the night to continue monitoring. Apparently, a fall followed by contractions is one of the warning signs for placental abruption, and continuing contractions moved us into a higher risk category. I had blood drawn, and an iv put in, just in case dehydration might be contributing to the "cranky uterus". To be honest, as far as discomfort goes, the iv was the worst part. It hurt going in, and it was bothersome and uncomfortable the whole time it was in, particularly when they turned the flow up. The attending did cervical checks and although the contractions were steady, they didn't seem to be doing much in the way of dilation.

The night was long and tiresome. If the baby strayed from the monitor at all, a nurse would rush in and readjust the monitor. I wasn't sleeping much anyway, I was so stressed and nervous about the baby. We felt fairly well-informed all night, however. It wasn't until the morning that we started to actually worry. At around 6am, the nurse woke me up to tell me that they were concerned because the contractions hadn't stopped yet and they expected them to be over by then.

Shortly thereafter, Josh went down to grab a coffee and a newspaper, and a medical student walked into my room and brightly informed me that she would be observing my c-section that morning. After I tersely informed her that I was NOT having a c-section, she ran out of the room and never came back. When Josh got back, I nervously told him what had happened and he insisted that I ring for the nurse to get more information. It seems that the medical student had gone into the wrong room, and was mortified that I'd gotten upset. But she never came back to tell us that she'd been mistaken!

This was only the beginning, though. At 9am, the attending came in and began really scaring us. She told us that the risks of placental abruption were higher now because it had been 15-16 hours since the fall and the contractions were continuing. Then she started talking about emergency c-sections, and then she started talking about how the baby was breach. But, umm, the baby is not breach. And hasn't been breach for 6 weeks! Which was not the most comforting thing she could have said. The ultrasound of the night before had shown that the baby was decidedly not breach, and it would have been nice if she had actually, ohhh, I don't know, read the chart? She ordered more labs and sternly told me not to eat or drink anything just in case my emergency c-section took place.

The rest of the day was downhill from there, because no one would let me eat (even though I'd eaten only an apple and a yogurt the day before), and no one would tell us what was going on. We asked to speak to a doctor a few times, yet no one had time to stop by. At 3pm the nurse walked in and told me that I could eat and could order whatever I wanted so I scarfed down a turkey sandwich. A few hours later, she unceremoniously walked in and told me that she was taking out my iv because I was being discharged. No explanation, no instructions, no assurances, no nothing! The nurse told us to call our doctor in the morning to get explanations about what type of rest I needed or whether I could go to work the next day. Needless to say, I cried on the drive home. Partly out of relief that the ordeal seemed to be over, and partly out of anger and fear that we didn't know what was happening now.

This morning, though, my doctor was very reassuring. I won't be on bed rest for now, and she isn't worried about my needing to have the baby any time in the near future. I'm resting today and tomorrow and staying off of my feet, but as long as the contractions continue to lessen in time and severity, everything should be fine. So we're all very relieved in the halloweenlover household, and we're thanking our lucky stars that baby decided to stay inside for a few more weeks. We're not quite ready to meet him or her yet, although we're looking forward to it.

you can start calling me "grace"

This baby really is an attention hog, apparently. We've been in the hospital all weekend because of a minor fall in the parking lot of Home Depot on Saturday afternoon that turned into pre-term contractions for 24+ hours. The baby is fine, heartbeat great, ultrasound beautiful, but the contractions won't stop coming. Right after the fall, the contractions were coming 2-4 minutes apart for several hours, but they have been spacing out since then and hopefully they'll stop for good sometime tonight. The contractions aren't causing any dilation, so there's been no talk of medication or having the baby early.

I don't have much to share besides this for now, but when I hear more from the doctors I'll give another update. In the meantime, please send some positive thoughts and prayers our way for a few more weeks of "cooking" for this baby.

100,000

I broke 100,000 visitors at some point between yesterday and today, and I can't believe it! I've seen other bloggers mention stat numbers but never thought I'd make it this far.

I wanted to issue a short but sweet thank you to all of you who come by to offer advice and support and kindness. I wish I knew the words to tell you what it means to me. Without all of you, I suspect that I'd be a basket case throughout this pregnancy. Instead, when something comes up and I get frazzled, I just think, "oh, I'll ask the blog!"

All of your friendships are wonderful gifts. Thank you.

thank goodness the paparazzi aren't around

I'm sitting in my office, working, with the door locked, and my pants around my knees because the waistband is constricting my belly too much. After a whole day of getting up and sitting down every few minutes and adjusting the elastic band every which way, I just can't take it anymore.

Ahh, the glamorous side of pregnancy.

layette continued...

Here is a summary of your suggestions for a layette:

Diapers- Newborn and Size 1 (but how many of these do I need? One package of Newborn and 2 of Size 1? Are we talking Costco size packages? Or smaller?)

Onesies- short and long-sleeve (also, how many? A dozen total? More than a dozen?)

Baby Pants (Numbers, people! Numbers! 6? 10? In all different colors?)

Receiving Blankets (I'm assuming 5-6? We registered for a couple of swaddlers and I'm hoping to steal some from the hospital. And by steal, I mean, ask for nicely.)

Hooded Towels (I have 3, is this enough?)

Washcloths (I have 1, how many do I need?)

Sleep 'n Plays/Footie Pajamas (I have 3-4, how many newborn versus 0-3 month sizes should I get?)

"Sweetpea" pj sets- what is this? Where do I find them?

Baby Socks- although we have differing opinions on this. If I have enough footie pajamas maybe I don't need these?

Hats (how many and what size? Josh and I have big heads, should I assume that baby to be has a big head too?)

Wipes (any suggestions on brands?)

Baby Tylenol- dye free

Gripe Water (is this the same as Mylicon?)

Saline Drops

Burp Cloths (I have none, and have received none. Where do I find these?)

Alcohol wipes (shudder, I can't even discuss the umbilical cord. Ick.)

Pacifiers (brand suggestions?)

Mild Shampoo or Baby Wash (more brand suggestions?)

Butt Paste or Desitin or something

Lansinoh

Car Seat and Car Seat Cover- CHECK! At least I can mark one thing off my list.

Dreft- CHECK! Two things off my list.

And what is this nonsense about having to change outfits one or two times a day? You're kidding right? My baby is never going to dirty their beautiful outfits. My baby also won't ever stink. I feel strongly about this.

Am I forgetting anything?