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Dear Gabriel,
I've been dreading this day for the last couple of weeks. In my mind, for some reason, 9 months seems so big. 9 months feels like you are less of a baby and more of a toddler. I suspect it has to do with the fact that today marks a turning point where you will have spent more time outside of my body than inside it. I cannot tell you how unbelievable that is to me. At least this milestone won't be marked by intense pain on my part.
It turns out that 9 months is an amazing age to be. This past month has been one of the most fun and most challenging months that we've spent together thus far. You are so busy and active and happy that I end up exhausted by the time you fall asleep, and by the time you wake up in the morning, I am dying to do it all over again.
This month you started crawling properly, with the legs and arms in synchronization. Initially, you did it slowly and methodically, and would look up at me with a smile on your face while you slowly made your way across the room. These days, you are much faster, and you slap your hands against the floor while you move, so that I can hear you coming from a different room. I miss your odd little frog crawl, though, and I'm so grateful that I have it on video so that when you leave for college, I'll be able to remember what it was like when you cleaned my floors with your stomach.
You also started standing, on EVERYTHING, this month. I thought that crawling changed my life, but standing is a whole different ball game. You stand on tables, on couches, on chairs, on pant legs, on walls, on anything that will hold you (and lots of stuff that won't). The other day you were standing up and exploring the items on top of the coffee table. I handed you a card, and you carefully took it in one hand, and then carefully held it with your other hand, and I realized that you were standing! With no support! No hands! And then ever so casually, you rested your elbow against the table and the moment was over. You didn't even notice that you'd done it.
You climb stairs unassisted. From bottom to top without pausing. You climb on top of the toys in the living room, and will climb onto chairs to get closer to the windows. The other day, I spotted you on the video monitor trying to lift your leg and climb out of your crib by using your Fisher Price Aquarium as a stepping stool. You go from sitting to kneeling to examine toys more carefully. You cruise the furniture and the coffee tables endlessly, mostly to be near the dogs. Basically, I have to watch you like a hawk. I'm grateful that despite your adventurous side, you learned how to sit down from a standing position right away, and you lower yourself onto your bottom fairly gently, so at least you're not bumping your head on the floor when you sit down suddenly.
You still love music and will dance to anything- music at the grocery store, elevator classical music, even the beat of the breast pump! You have a bit of an obsession with music class and you spend the full 45 minutes swaying from side to side and clapping along with the group. The whole class starts laughing as soon as you start dancing. You even shake the shakers along with the instructor!
One of my favorite changes this month is that you started to babble. You've been ahh-ing and ooh-ing for a while now, but this month you began chatting in earnest. You started out with "ba ba ba" and moved onto "ma ma ma" and this week in the span of three days you busted out with "ya ya ya", "da da da" and "pa pa pa". Your sweet little voice is music to my ears, and I spend hours out of the day responding to you and encouraging you to talk. I've been wondering if maybe it is a biological thing, because your little voice has got to be the sweetest sound I've ever heard. Your dad definitely agrees. He will sing the Beach Boys "Barbara Ann" to you incessantly to get you to talk back. Last night it even sounded like you were trying to sing along with him. He was so excited, I had to pry you away from him at bedtime.
This month we went to visit your Nonna and Nonno in California, which was torturous because you had to be away from your daddy for 2 whole weeks. I doubt he'll ever let us do that again, because all 3 of us were miserable apart. You adore your daddy and the feeling is mutual. One of my favorite parts of the day is seeing how your little face lights up when he walks in the door. I'll hold you up to the screen door while he is getting out of the car, and by the time he makes it up the walkway and steps, you are vibrating with excitement.
You're still a food fanatic these days, and we've moved onto finger foods, of which you definitely approve. You will focus intensely on the carrots or green beans on your high chair tray and it is difficult to get anything else in your mouth because you like feeding yourself so much. You will even use a fork if I put food on the fork for you. Somehow you know which end is the correct end, and you'll bring the food on the fork to your mouth before handing the fork back to me for a refill. We're even getting to the point where you are starting to eat some of the foods that we eat at dinnertime. At first I was so excited about this, until I realized that I'd have to share my muffin, and yogurt, and ravioli with you. I'm an only child, Gabe, I don't like to share food. It takes serious sacrifice for me to split all my goodies with you. This is additional incentive to not let you have any sugary things until you're older. I am definitely not sharing my cookies with you.
You're amazing and smiley and sweet and funny. You laugh all the time. I laugh all the time. I can't believe that this is really our life. I've never been happier. I've never felt luckier. I only hope that you stay as sweet as you get older, because then I can live with the bittersweetness of you growing up.
Everyone tells me to enjoy this because it flies by, and I'm trying. I just want to figure out how to slow it down. At least a little.
We love you bunches. Oodles. Too much for words.
Mama
[Pictures to follow, once my computer is de-coffee-ed. What? It's a word!]
Showing posts with label letters to embarrass him when he is 16. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letters to embarrass him when he is 16. Show all posts
Friday, September 28, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
4 months
Dear Gabriel,
This month you've been on a roll. Literally. First you rolled from your stomach onto your back while visiting your Bubbi and Saba in Florida. Since then, you've repeated the trick a couple of times. Then you rolled yourself from your back to your stomach while I was trying to change your diaper. You kicked your feet up, got yourself onto your side, then stretched out your legs quickly, and your momentum carried you over and onto your stomach. Frankly, you looked a little shocked at your new position. So was I. The other day I walked away from the couch where I'd laid you down, and came back to find half of your body hanging off of the edge. I guess that is why everyone warns you never to leave your baby unattended. Lesson noted.
This month has been full of new experiences for you. You got to spend quality time with each of your grandparents and your aunt for the first time in your short life, and you got to meet your uncle and cousins for the first time also. Your cousins loved you, of course, and kept fighting over who would be allowed to hold you and when. I suggested that you all take a bath together, and I've never seen them move faster. Your Bubbi and Aunt spent every night making you laugh out loud- big guffaws of laughter at their antics. Your Nonna spent her every available second making you smile and smothering you with kisses. You are so very loved, sweet boy.
You went to the beach for the first time, although you didn't actually touch the sand or the ocean. Baby steps, I say. You did go swimming in a pool with your Daddy, though, and based on your reaction, you might have been a fish in a past life. You oohed and ahhed at all the new sensations. You spent time barefoot in Florida, and stared for minutes on end at your toes. Your hands are even more fascinating. You had your first outing with your Daddy, and I left you at home for the first time. You also watched some of your first Red Sox games. Your Daddy will tell you that those were your most important milestones thus far.
To be fair, you also made me suffer through some of the worst nights of sleep we've had so far. After all that travel, whatever semblance of a schedule we had was completely lost, and for two weeks straight you progressively woke up more and more often, until you woke up every half-hour to forty-five minutes for two nights straight. It felt like having a newborn again, except that you never slept that little as a newborn! After those two nights, I put you into Baby Boot Camp, and you've been fabulous since. Baby Boot Camp is just a fancy name for a schedule, and you seem very grateful to be waking up, taking naps, and going to bed at a reasonable time. It took your Mommy a little while to learn that our loosy-goosy schedule wasn't working for you. Forgive me, I haven't done this before.
This month I discovered something new, though. Something I should have known all along. Something that I guess was rather obvious. I discovered that you love me and you need me. I'd assumed up until now that although you clearly like me, and of course you look to me for food, you found everyone to be pretty interchangeable. Thankfully, it turns out I'm wrong. You stop fussing instantly at the sound of my voice, as soon as I reach out my arms, before I've even picked you up. I lean down to give you kisses and you open your mouth wide to try and kiss me back. If I laugh at you, you laugh back, deeply. You smile at me all the time. You play peek a boo with me, and duck your head down as if you are playing shy. You are the cutest thing ever, and I wish I could bottle you up to keep you with me all the time.
I can't believe you've only been with us for four months, but I also can't believe that a quarter of a year has passed already. Wasn't I waiting for your arrival just yesterday? You are so. much. fun. Having you in our lives is pure unadulterated, unequivocal joy. I beg life to stand still so that I can burn these days into my memory.
I love you. Your Daddy loves you. We couldn't live without you.
Love,
Mommy
This month you've been on a roll. Literally. First you rolled from your stomach onto your back while visiting your Bubbi and Saba in Florida. Since then, you've repeated the trick a couple of times. Then you rolled yourself from your back to your stomach while I was trying to change your diaper. You kicked your feet up, got yourself onto your side, then stretched out your legs quickly, and your momentum carried you over and onto your stomach. Frankly, you looked a little shocked at your new position. So was I. The other day I walked away from the couch where I'd laid you down, and came back to find half of your body hanging off of the edge. I guess that is why everyone warns you never to leave your baby unattended. Lesson noted.
This month has been full of new experiences for you. You got to spend quality time with each of your grandparents and your aunt for the first time in your short life, and you got to meet your uncle and cousins for the first time also. Your cousins loved you, of course, and kept fighting over who would be allowed to hold you and when. I suggested that you all take a bath together, and I've never seen them move faster. Your Bubbi and Aunt spent every night making you laugh out loud- big guffaws of laughter at their antics. Your Nonna spent her every available second making you smile and smothering you with kisses. You are so very loved, sweet boy.
You went to the beach for the first time, although you didn't actually touch the sand or the ocean. Baby steps, I say. You did go swimming in a pool with your Daddy, though, and based on your reaction, you might have been a fish in a past life. You oohed and ahhed at all the new sensations. You spent time barefoot in Florida, and stared for minutes on end at your toes. Your hands are even more fascinating. You had your first outing with your Daddy, and I left you at home for the first time. You also watched some of your first Red Sox games. Your Daddy will tell you that those were your most important milestones thus far.
To be fair, you also made me suffer through some of the worst nights of sleep we've had so far. After all that travel, whatever semblance of a schedule we had was completely lost, and for two weeks straight you progressively woke up more and more often, until you woke up every half-hour to forty-five minutes for two nights straight. It felt like having a newborn again, except that you never slept that little as a newborn! After those two nights, I put you into Baby Boot Camp, and you've been fabulous since. Baby Boot Camp is just a fancy name for a schedule, and you seem very grateful to be waking up, taking naps, and going to bed at a reasonable time. It took your Mommy a little while to learn that our loosy-goosy schedule wasn't working for you. Forgive me, I haven't done this before.
This month I discovered something new, though. Something I should have known all along. Something that I guess was rather obvious. I discovered that you love me and you need me. I'd assumed up until now that although you clearly like me, and of course you look to me for food, you found everyone to be pretty interchangeable. Thankfully, it turns out I'm wrong. You stop fussing instantly at the sound of my voice, as soon as I reach out my arms, before I've even picked you up. I lean down to give you kisses and you open your mouth wide to try and kiss me back. If I laugh at you, you laugh back, deeply. You smile at me all the time. You play peek a boo with me, and duck your head down as if you are playing shy. You are the cutest thing ever, and I wish I could bottle you up to keep you with me all the time.
I can't believe you've only been with us for four months, but I also can't believe that a quarter of a year has passed already. Wasn't I waiting for your arrival just yesterday? You are so. much. fun. Having you in our lives is pure unadulterated, unequivocal joy. I beg life to stand still so that I can burn these days into my memory.
I love you. Your Daddy loves you. We couldn't live without you.
Love,
Mommy
Monday, April 09, 2007
3 months (very belated)
Dear Gabriel,
I'm very late in writing this month's letter, but I do have a good excuse. This month you took your first flight, and then your second flight, and then your third flight- all within three weeks. You visited your Nonna and Nonno in California while your Daddy went to Russia on a school trip, and then you visited your Bubbi and Saba in Florida for the holidays. It's a shame the airline won't give you a frequent flier number for traveling on my lap, because you'd be halfway to a free ticket by now.
I've also been avoiding thinking about this letter, because hitting three months old means that you are no longer considered a newborn. You're an infant now. I'm sure you'll laugh when you can read this, because the difference might seem silly to you. To me, though, it seems like night and day. My blobby, sweet, calm newborn is gone. In his place is a smiling, bubbly, chatty baby. A baby with rolls and dimples, a baby that doesn't have the jerky movements of a newborn, a baby that lights up when I walk into a room.
You laughed for the first time this month. You babble in response to my conversation. You prop yourself up on your arms and kick your feet during tummy time. You've found your hands and watch them intently for minutes on end. One day you could only stare up at your toys, the next day you could swat at them, and the next day you reached up and grabbed them. Watching you is like watching miracles take place. I can almost see your brain making new connections every day, and I am so grateful for this gift.
I guess that every mother thinks her baby is the most beautiful, wonderful, sweetest baby who ever graced the earth, and this mother is no different. I find you remarkable and marvelous and I smother you with kisses all day. I would think you would become annoyed at the attention, but instead you become very still and melt into my arms as I pepper you with tiny kisses. Your Nonna says that you almost deflate in my arms- you obviously recognize and enjoy the love. You've even started opening your mouth as I bend over you to give you a kiss or to press my cheek against yours. You will screech and giggle if I bend over slowly and hesitate before giving you a snuggle.
Your daddy was away from you for two long weeks while he went on his school trip to Russia, and it was terrible for the three of us to have to be apart. I worried that perhaps you would forget who he was, but the second he picked us up at the airport, your little face lit up and you began your stream of chatter. You love your daddy, and trust me sweet boy, the feeling is mutual. He can't get enough of you.
I saw one of my childhood friends while we were in California, and she is pregnant with her first child. She asked me whether all this was worth it, whether I liked being a mother. I paused for a moment to answer, and felt my eyes fill with tears. I understood in that second what everyone tried to tell me when I was pregnant, that what awaited her was this magical, amazing thing that couldn't be put into words. I can't wait for her to discover it too.
My life was wonderful before, but this life is incomparable. You've made your father and me so happy. Our days are filled with laughter. Thank you for being you, sweet boy.
We love you,
Mommy
I'm very late in writing this month's letter, but I do have a good excuse. This month you took your first flight, and then your second flight, and then your third flight- all within three weeks. You visited your Nonna and Nonno in California while your Daddy went to Russia on a school trip, and then you visited your Bubbi and Saba in Florida for the holidays. It's a shame the airline won't give you a frequent flier number for traveling on my lap, because you'd be halfway to a free ticket by now.
I've also been avoiding thinking about this letter, because hitting three months old means that you are no longer considered a newborn. You're an infant now. I'm sure you'll laugh when you can read this, because the difference might seem silly to you. To me, though, it seems like night and day. My blobby, sweet, calm newborn is gone. In his place is a smiling, bubbly, chatty baby. A baby with rolls and dimples, a baby that doesn't have the jerky movements of a newborn, a baby that lights up when I walk into a room.
You laughed for the first time this month. You babble in response to my conversation. You prop yourself up on your arms and kick your feet during tummy time. You've found your hands and watch them intently for minutes on end. One day you could only stare up at your toys, the next day you could swat at them, and the next day you reached up and grabbed them. Watching you is like watching miracles take place. I can almost see your brain making new connections every day, and I am so grateful for this gift.
I guess that every mother thinks her baby is the most beautiful, wonderful, sweetest baby who ever graced the earth, and this mother is no different. I find you remarkable and marvelous and I smother you with kisses all day. I would think you would become annoyed at the attention, but instead you become very still and melt into my arms as I pepper you with tiny kisses. Your Nonna says that you almost deflate in my arms- you obviously recognize and enjoy the love. You've even started opening your mouth as I bend over you to give you a kiss or to press my cheek against yours. You will screech and giggle if I bend over slowly and hesitate before giving you a snuggle.
Your daddy was away from you for two long weeks while he went on his school trip to Russia, and it was terrible for the three of us to have to be apart. I worried that perhaps you would forget who he was, but the second he picked us up at the airport, your little face lit up and you began your stream of chatter. You love your daddy, and trust me sweet boy, the feeling is mutual. He can't get enough of you.
I saw one of my childhood friends while we were in California, and she is pregnant with her first child. She asked me whether all this was worth it, whether I liked being a mother. I paused for a moment to answer, and felt my eyes fill with tears. I understood in that second what everyone tried to tell me when I was pregnant, that what awaited her was this magical, amazing thing that couldn't be put into words. I can't wait for her to discover it too.
My life was wonderful before, but this life is incomparable. You've made your father and me so happy. Our days are filled with laughter. Thank you for being you, sweet boy.
We love you,
Mommy
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
2 months old
Dear Gabriel,
You are two months old today, and I feel like a broken record when I say that I can't believe how much I love you. No matter how tired I am, or how gloomy the weather seems, waking up to find you smiling up from your bassinet feels like the start of the best day of my life.
I said to your daddy yesterday that I think you've finally arrived. My little newborn who seemed blissfully unaware of his surroundings is gone, and in his place there is a smiling, cooing, active baby. You are constantly looking to see what is going on, and you often whip your head around while feeding if you hear a noise or someone is talking. You will stay awake for long periods of time observing the scene, or listening to the conversations. At lunch the other day, people commented that you looked more like a 3 or 4 month old because you seem so aware of the world around you. You smile at me more and more, and will stop in the middle of feeding to look up at me with your big eyes and give me a huge gummy grin. You melt my heart.
You are still an exceptionally happy boy and it is such a pleasure to spend my days with you. You love music, and as soon as we start singing, you become completely enraptured with us. You even seem as if you are trying to sing along and will coo and gurgle while gazing intently at our faces. Your Bubbi and Saba came to visit last week and Bubbi made up song after song for you, just to see your adorable smiles.
Last weekend, your daddy left us alone for the first time while he went to a soccer tournament in Texas. I was terrified of how I would take care of the two of us for four whole days with no help, but we had a wonderful time. Although I know that we both missed him, we were able to spend lots of time snuggling and playing and exploring the house together. It is lovely to see how much you know me, and when I pop my head over the edge of your bassinet after a nap, you greet me with the sweetest smiles. The smiles start at the corner of your mouth, your dimple appears in your right cheek, and it slowly spreads up your face until the corners of your eyes crinkle in delight. You clasp your hands together and duck your head to one side, almost as if you are embarrassed at how happy you are to see me. Your little arms and legs wave around until I pick you up to smother you with kisses. I will never forget how wonderful this feels.
Today was your 2 month doctor's appointments, and the nurse couldn't stop exclaiming over how sweet you are. You tipped the scales at a whopping 12 pounds, 8 ounces, and showed off your head control by pushing yourself up with your arms to admire yourself in the mirror beside the exam table. While we were talking with the nurse, you lay happily on the table talking to yourself in the mirror, squealing and even letting out a couple of giggles. You barely protested at her prodding during the exam, and only cried when you got your first three vaccines. You were so indignant and angry when they stuck you, and it broke my heart to hear you cry. Once I was allowed to pick you up, though, you stopped crying almost instantly, but the sight of your little face crumpling was terribly sad. It is so hard to see you hurting, and I know it doesn't get easier with time.
[2 month picture coming once the crankiness has faded a bit]
Over the last month you have grown out of all your newborn outfits, and almost all of your 0-3 month clothing, and it pains me to see you growing so quickly. Up until now, I've been dreading the time passing. I've wanted you to stay my sweet newborn. But as the days go by and I see you becoming sweeter and more animated and fun by the minute, I realize that every day with you will better than the last.
We love you so very much, and we feel so very lucky to be your parents. Happy two months baby!
Love,
Mommy
You are two months old today, and I feel like a broken record when I say that I can't believe how much I love you. No matter how tired I am, or how gloomy the weather seems, waking up to find you smiling up from your bassinet feels like the start of the best day of my life.
I said to your daddy yesterday that I think you've finally arrived. My little newborn who seemed blissfully unaware of his surroundings is gone, and in his place there is a smiling, cooing, active baby. You are constantly looking to see what is going on, and you often whip your head around while feeding if you hear a noise or someone is talking. You will stay awake for long periods of time observing the scene, or listening to the conversations. At lunch the other day, people commented that you looked more like a 3 or 4 month old because you seem so aware of the world around you. You smile at me more and more, and will stop in the middle of feeding to look up at me with your big eyes and give me a huge gummy grin. You melt my heart.
You are still an exceptionally happy boy and it is such a pleasure to spend my days with you. You love music, and as soon as we start singing, you become completely enraptured with us. You even seem as if you are trying to sing along and will coo and gurgle while gazing intently at our faces. Your Bubbi and Saba came to visit last week and Bubbi made up song after song for you, just to see your adorable smiles.
Last weekend, your daddy left us alone for the first time while he went to a soccer tournament in Texas. I was terrified of how I would take care of the two of us for four whole days with no help, but we had a wonderful time. Although I know that we both missed him, we were able to spend lots of time snuggling and playing and exploring the house together. It is lovely to see how much you know me, and when I pop my head over the edge of your bassinet after a nap, you greet me with the sweetest smiles. The smiles start at the corner of your mouth, your dimple appears in your right cheek, and it slowly spreads up your face until the corners of your eyes crinkle in delight. You clasp your hands together and duck your head to one side, almost as if you are embarrassed at how happy you are to see me. Your little arms and legs wave around until I pick you up to smother you with kisses. I will never forget how wonderful this feels.
Today was your 2 month doctor's appointments, and the nurse couldn't stop exclaiming over how sweet you are. You tipped the scales at a whopping 12 pounds, 8 ounces, and showed off your head control by pushing yourself up with your arms to admire yourself in the mirror beside the exam table. While we were talking with the nurse, you lay happily on the table talking to yourself in the mirror, squealing and even letting out a couple of giggles. You barely protested at her prodding during the exam, and only cried when you got your first three vaccines. You were so indignant and angry when they stuck you, and it broke my heart to hear you cry. Once I was allowed to pick you up, though, you stopped crying almost instantly, but the sight of your little face crumpling was terribly sad. It is so hard to see you hurting, and I know it doesn't get easier with time.
[2 month picture coming once the crankiness has faded a bit]
Over the last month you have grown out of all your newborn outfits, and almost all of your 0-3 month clothing, and it pains me to see you growing so quickly. Up until now, I've been dreading the time passing. I've wanted you to stay my sweet newborn. But as the days go by and I see you becoming sweeter and more animated and fun by the minute, I realize that every day with you will better than the last.
We love you so very much, and we feel so very lucky to be your parents. Happy two months baby!
Love,
Mommy
Monday, January 29, 2007
one month as a mother
Dear Gabriel,
You are one month old today, and I need someone to explain to me how my baby could be 4 weeks old already. If feels like you were born yesterday, and I still find myself staring at you and marveling that you lived inside of me. I watch your movements and stretches and recognize the motion as the kicks and rolls I felt in my belly. It still amazes me to imagine that you were the same little being I carried with me for 9 months. Time flies by, and I'm torn between wanting to know you more and wanting time to stand still.
Your personality comes out more every day, and you are such a sweet calm boy. Every day with you is a pleasure. You still sleep most of the time, but as your awake and alert hours stretch, you are content to sit in our arms or in your bouncy seat and listen to us chatter on to you. I've realized that you know me now, and you calm more quickly and easily when you hear my voice than anyone else's, and that is a wonderful thing. I love being your mother.
You sleep for longer stretches at night, usually 4 hours but sometimes more. Your nighttime feedings have shortened also, so I feel more rested when we wake up for the day. I'm still getting up during the night, but sitting up feeding you for 20-30 minutes is far easier than the hour+ we were doing before. I can't complain, though, because I still love to sit in the dark with you while you eat. You go right to sleep afterwards, and even though I'm exhausted, I still miss you after I've put you down. It is shocking to me to discover how all consuming my love for you is.
Your daddy and I change too, I've noticed. We are more confident and assured as parents. We change diapers faster, respond to your needs faster, and we decipher your protestations faster. It feels amazing to know that one yell means you are hungry, while another grunt means that you have to poop. It helps that you only complain about those two things. Your dad says that you are clearly all boy.
A few of your sleepers don't fit you anymore, including the one you wore home from the hospital. Your dad claims that you've grown out of them, but I suspect that the dryer shrunk them, and I won't accept any other explanation. Your one month doctor's appointment is this week, and we're anxious to hear just how much you've grown. Just try not to grow too fast, my little peanut.
For the past couple of days, I've tried to rock you to sleep and you won't close your eyes. You sit and look up at me, and wait until I put you down to sleep in your bassinet. Once I've wrapped you up and laid you down, you talk to the sides of your bassinet before drifting off to sleep. It makes me just the tiniest bit sad that you have already learned that you don't need your mommy to sleep. I know both of us will be grateful in the future, but I guess I imagined that you would change slower.
I know I'm biased, but you are the most adorable, beautiful, wonderful, snuggly baby in the whole world. Your father and I are so blessed, and we are so grateful for the wonderful gift you are. It has only been a month, but I cannot imagine my life without you. I cannot imagine ever needing anything more than this.
You are the love of our lives. We cannot wait to explore the world with you.
Love,
Mommy
You are one month old today, and I need someone to explain to me how my baby could be 4 weeks old already. If feels like you were born yesterday, and I still find myself staring at you and marveling that you lived inside of me. I watch your movements and stretches and recognize the motion as the kicks and rolls I felt in my belly. It still amazes me to imagine that you were the same little being I carried with me for 9 months. Time flies by, and I'm torn between wanting to know you more and wanting time to stand still.
Your personality comes out more every day, and you are such a sweet calm boy. Every day with you is a pleasure. You still sleep most of the time, but as your awake and alert hours stretch, you are content to sit in our arms or in your bouncy seat and listen to us chatter on to you. I've realized that you know me now, and you calm more quickly and easily when you hear my voice than anyone else's, and that is a wonderful thing. I love being your mother.
You sleep for longer stretches at night, usually 4 hours but sometimes more. Your nighttime feedings have shortened also, so I feel more rested when we wake up for the day. I'm still getting up during the night, but sitting up feeding you for 20-30 minutes is far easier than the hour+ we were doing before. I can't complain, though, because I still love to sit in the dark with you while you eat. You go right to sleep afterwards, and even though I'm exhausted, I still miss you after I've put you down. It is shocking to me to discover how all consuming my love for you is.
Your daddy and I change too, I've noticed. We are more confident and assured as parents. We change diapers faster, respond to your needs faster, and we decipher your protestations faster. It feels amazing to know that one yell means you are hungry, while another grunt means that you have to poop. It helps that you only complain about those two things. Your dad says that you are clearly all boy.
A few of your sleepers don't fit you anymore, including the one you wore home from the hospital. Your dad claims that you've grown out of them, but I suspect that the dryer shrunk them, and I won't accept any other explanation. Your one month doctor's appointment is this week, and we're anxious to hear just how much you've grown. Just try not to grow too fast, my little peanut.
For the past couple of days, I've tried to rock you to sleep and you won't close your eyes. You sit and look up at me, and wait until I put you down to sleep in your bassinet. Once I've wrapped you up and laid you down, you talk to the sides of your bassinet before drifting off to sleep. It makes me just the tiniest bit sad that you have already learned that you don't need your mommy to sleep. I know both of us will be grateful in the future, but I guess I imagined that you would change slower.
I know I'm biased, but you are the most adorable, beautiful, wonderful, snuggly baby in the whole world. Your father and I are so blessed, and we are so grateful for the wonderful gift you are. It has only been a month, but I cannot imagine my life without you. I cannot imagine ever needing anything more than this.
You are the love of our lives. We cannot wait to explore the world with you.
Love,
Mommy
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
two weeks
Dear Gabriel,
I can't believe you're finally here, and at the same time I can't remember life without you. I've spent months imagining what you would be like- whether you'd be your daddy's little girl or your mommy's boy, whether you'd be a troublemaker or an angel, whether you'd have my dimples or your father's cleft chin. In the end, though, I never imagined that you'd be this wonderful, this adorable, this beautiful in my eyes. I love you so much already, I can't stop counting your fingers and toes and running my fingers along your rapidly expanding cheeks.
I worried so much before you were born. I didn't know what kind of mother I'd be and whether I'd be able to take care of you, but I realize now that with this much love, I could never do anything less than my best. Maybe that won't be enough sometimes, but I'll try my hardest to be the mom that you need.
Last night, I stared at you over the edge of your bassinet and I missed you, even though you were less than 12 inches away from me. I closed my eyes and thanked God for the hundredth time since you have arrived into my life, for this precious blessed gift.
I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much. More than I ever thought possible.
Love,
Mommy
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