talk about being disconnected...

Life with a baby is tiring, I've discovered. Most days I feel fantastic, head over heels in love, wondering how life could get any better. The next day, I might be exhausted and overwhelmed, dreaming about one complete night of sleep, trying to figure out how I am going to stay awake until 9pm. I guess this is typical, but it makes for a lackluster blog, I'm sorry to say. I started and stopped about 4 posts about how little sleep I was getting, but they all seemed so boring, and I was so freaking tired, that I never finished any of them, and now it all seems to complicated that I feel exhausted just trying to think about writing it all out.

Suffice to say, Gabe used to sleep, then all of a sudden he didn't. It got to the point that he woke up every half-hour to forty-five minutes for two days straight, and I almost lost my mind. I talked to a friend of mine, who in grand fashion scared the ever-loving daylights out of me by saying that I'd officially screwed Gabe up forever and he'd never sleep again, so I instituted Baby Boot Camp. Baby Boot Camp is just a fancy way to say that I finally put together a schedule for Gabriel. He'd been going to bed and waking up at any old time, and I guess that wasn't working for him.

Now we get up at a reasonable time, take 3 naps a day (at least), and try to go to bed at a reasonable time. This way, he is in a better mood, and he sleeps for longer stretches at nighttime. He also eats more in the daytime, which he hadn't been doing, a fact that I'm sure was contributing to the lack of nighttime sleep. We also instituted a blankie/lovey (a fuzzy brown blanket with a bear head and feet) and convinced Gabe that he really did want a pacifier. All those things helped.

We're back in California, though, first for a wedding, then for a week of travel with the inlaws in Lake Tahoe, and now for a few day of visiting my parents, and his schedule is all screwed up again. So what am I doing? I'm up at 2:30, of course, writing this blog post, instead of sleeping. It's what all the cool kids are doing, didn't you know?

In all seriousness, though, life is good. Gabriel is wonderful and sweet and adorable and all cooey and smiley and delectable. He has extended his skills to being able to put all his toes in his mouth, and he spends a good chunk of the day loudly slurping on his big toe. It is one of the cutest things I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. Josh graduates from business school on Saturday, and I can hardly believe that we've made it through his two years of school. Two years without working, two years of me supporting him, two years of not knowing what our future would be. I am so proud of him.

I'm also trying to figure out my own future, and that has been weighing on me these days. I have moments of crushing insecurity about what I should be doing, both with my career and with Gabriel. Why didn't anyone tell me what a whirlwind motherhood was? Or maybe you did and I just didn't listen. Someone slipped it in when they told me to try to sleep before he arrived, right? I'm working on a blog post to parcel through all my thoughts and get yours. We are flying back on Thursday, and I'll try to put that together soon.

In the meanwhile, I hope that you are all doing well, and that everyone's mother's days were wonderful and sweet. Gabriel came through in grand style, and got me a lovely card that made me cry. A necklace too, but best of all, he's been giving me great gummy smiles and slobbery kisses and those are worth more than everything else combined.