Friday, September 29, 2006

nooooo, no hormones over here

My mom told me years ago that before you have a baby, love songs are about your significant other, whoever they happen to be. But once you have a child, every love song brings you back to this new love of your life. When people talk about unconditional love, you realize that your love for your baby takes it to a whole new level. These days, I am consumed with love for this being that spends every second with me. This belly that is fast approaching the size of a (rather large) pumpkin. I try to picture what this baby looks like, and I don't mean whether he has Josh's cleft chin, or she has my straight brown hair, but just a picture of an actual baby. With eyes and ears and hands that she keeps by her face, and feet that he kicks around and crosses and uncrosses. A real live baby, fully formed, gaining weight and practicing breathing.

We had our final hypnobirthing class on Tuesday, and at the end watched another video of a birth. It seems almost impossible to me that at the end of this wonderful journey, that tiny baby might be placed in my arms. Josh seems to believe it more, and his most common refrain when he chats with the belly is to remind him or her or how excited he is to meet his baby. He squeezes my hand when we see an infant, and his face lights up when someone asks him about the pregnancy. I am equally consumed with love for him these days, with watching how he is changing, how our relationship is changing, imagining what kind of father he'll be.

So I wasn't wholly surprised when I burst into tears the other day when a sappy love song came onto the radio. I was surprised when I couldn't stop crying for the rest of the ride to work, but I guess pregnancy will do that to you.

The other day, another associate came into my office to tell me that her doctor had decided to induce her that day, at 38 weeks, and that she was off to pack a bag and head to the hospital. She confessed that she was nervous to be induced and nervous about how painful labor would be. I could hardly contain my excitement, though, and I clapped my hands together and reminded her that she would be meeting her baby soon! If not tonight, then tomorrow! And then, I promptly burst into tears.

BURST INTO TEARS. And I don't really know this girl, she is just a friendly colleague. So she stood there looking awkward, while I tried to contain my tears, then hugged me quickly, wished me luck, and ran the hell out of my office. It took me 5 minutes just to get my tears under control, all the while feeling terribly embarassed. I guess the idea that someone, anyone, would get to meet their baby today, just pushed me over the edge. I felt like I was in a sitcom.

I pity Josh a bit, because I'm starting to think that despite my denials, I may be just a tad hormonal.

15 comments:

Mrs. S said...

Speaking from (slightly) more experience, let me just say that the denial of the hormones is futile. They know, you know, everyone knows - heck, we're pregnant, it's pretty hard not to guess! - so just get it over with and say "I'm hormonal!!" and then accept all the tears and bad moods and such that come with it. I assure you, it's much easier to deal with the symptoms of being hormonal once you've admitted that you're hormonal than it is to freak out and yell "Nothing's wrong! REALLY! I'm FINE!" while you are still in hormonal-ness-denial.

And, for the record, I am totally jealous of your friend who is going to meet her baby soon, and I probably would have burst into tears, too. *hugs*

Lawmommy said...

Hormones rule.

Wait til day 4-5 after baby is born. The post-baby hormone flux

That day goes like this:
O my God why did i think i could handle this, this little person is totally dependant on me and i cannot even take care of myself right now and NO i am NOT hormonal hubby/grandma/sister, i am just useless as a mommy and I want to hide under my bed...

Good news -- everyone gets that day, and almost everyone gets over it in a day. Then its back to baby bliss.

Hormones rule.

Jessica said...

So what...I love the anticipation and excitement you express - I love thinking about (hopefully) having similar feelings if my husband and I are fortunate enough to get pregnant soon.

And to your point, WE can't wait to meet the baby, either!

Yankee, Transferred said...

Oh dear god, HL, you are just too much fun to watch. It makes me so excited for you! Soon I get to meet the large pumpkin, eh?

liz said...

Hormones are great fun. Don't make the mistake I did and re-read something like, say, "Little Women" during the next few months. Big mistake. I used up a whole box of kleenex.

chatty cricket said...

Have I told you that I have a list of potential songs for Sweetie and Lady to dance to at her wedding? Yes, I know she is 16 months old.

And have I also told you that I think I have at least one song on my list of songs for my dance with Little Mister? Yes, I know, I'm only 6 months pregnant with him.

Hormones! Hurrah!

Ninotchka said...

gee, ya think?

ahh, but it's so sweet. such a wonderful time in your life. i know i keep saying that but it's true!

and hey, it just occurred to me that the illo in your banner needs a preggo belly! :)

jeans5kids said...

I have five babes and just reading your post made me cry it's not hormons it's a specail kind of love
good luck !

jean

mamatulip said...

I don't even want to tell you the stupid things I BURST INTO TEARS over when I was pregnant -- how much I loved my cats, the fact that Dave had been using my good eyebrow tweezers to unclog the hairspray nozzle, that our chinese food was late -- so don't feel bad. :)

Robin said...

Hormones just make you feel more loving and that feeling makes you burst into tears.

I was 7 months pregnant when my best friend got married. I was a bridesmaid. I cried ALL THE WAY DOWN THE AISLE!!!!!!!!! To be fair,all the bridesmaids did because we loved the bride so much and we were so happy for her.

It's been 9 years since Lillianna was born,(ok... in 2 days it will be 9 years!) and I'm still crying!!
What excuse can I use now?? I know,I'll say I'm crying because YOU are pregnant!

Renée said...

Your hubby should paint your belly as a pumpkin and take a pic!

ccw said...

So sweet! Sure you're scaring colleagues but it's so very sweet.

I wish I could tell you that your hormones will be in check soon but mine have never gone back to normal. Having children makes you more sensitive to the world around you.

Sarcomical said...

awww...

that is so sweet. ;)

embrace the hormones. i say take full advantage of them. do everything you can't get away with when you're not pregnant and blame it on them. that sounds fun...

heh.

Geggie said...

I swear, everyone in my life is PG. I'm the only one! I'm not giving in to the peer pressure yet, but it's hard not too!

Girl said...

Embrace it...babe! Be just as hormonal and sappy as you want...because this is the only time you can get away with it :)